Juz Charley

2006-09-15T16:52:00.000+10:00

Stefanie Sun - First Day MTV

Stefanie Sun..ahhh my all time fav local artist. Perhaps its due to national pride or simply because of her music...but anyway, this is my fav mtv / song...its catchy, the arrangement is smashing and ok fine...I admit...I luv her red hair and flip-flops...hehehe!

2006 Teen Choice Awards

2006-08-23T17:09:00.000+10:00

Was checking out the galleries of the 2006 Teen Choice Awards, as always Britney Spears was hogging the limelight with her dunno what cup breast size and horrible hair! Oh well but at least she's beaming with joy, hopefully that is from the bottom of her heart. I really wish her well and would like to see her happier.

My fav for the event are Rachel Bilson, she's simply gorgeous with the little black dress. Maybe I’m bias, always preferred brunettes to blondes…but Ashley Tisdale was cute…in white from head to toes, even her nail polish was in white! I find that Kristin Cavallari attire was a little weird, I know its summer but maybe she could go easy with flora prints, certainly made my eyes spined. As expected, Jessica Simpson looked excellent, but when I saw Jessica Alba, I’m completely sold, she’s smokin’!

STAI & SRRS

2006-08-22T14:59:00.000+10:00

Ok, now I’m trying to figure out the stuff for my laboratory report. It’s about assessing the relationship between life events and anxiety. Two tests are used:
1. Social Readjustment Rating Scale - SRRS
2. State Trait Anxiety Inventory – STAI

I’m in the process of coming up with my hypotheses…according to my tutor, I need to provide 4 hypotheses. Been reading a lot about these till now I’m kinda confused hahaha! I think I’ll work backwards and run some correlations and T-tests to the given set of data and then figure out the hypotheses based on the results. But if there’s any kind souls willing to throw some light or suggestions, do drop me a message:) I dunno why I feel so tired these days, kinda lethargic and restless. I admit that I didn’t haf enough sleep, but I’ve never felt so drained in my life due to the lack of sleep. Everyone is getting on my nerves and disturbance is the last thing I need. I think I had better move my workstation back into my room instead of having it in the living room.

2006-08-20T17:41:00.000+10:00

Jessica Simpson - A Public Affair

Love the song, the skates, the shorts, the hair, the lights, the fall and so here's the music video!

Fann Wong on BBC!

2006-08-20T17:38:00.000+10:00

Was pleasantly surprised to see Fann Wong being featured on BBC World for a cool half hour! What can I say, although her English is atrocious, she still look so good after so many years. I think she’s about 32 or 33 already! Great hair, skin, smile, teeth blah blah blah…

Russian Ice cream is driving me nuts!

2006-08-17T17:37:00.000+10:00

Finally I’m done with BMW’s case analysis and now I’m working on Ice-Fili. It’s gonna be a disaster cuz it involves a lota of financial stuff and god knows that I suck at numbers. I’ve already worked out the overview and I’m working on PEST…then industry analysis…Competitor…Customer and finally SWOT. Its only Part 1, I’ve got Part 2 due soon….bleh….scary…anyone who has got any idea abt this case study do IM (yahoo) me at charley_yee would appreciate it:)

Better than ever

2006-08-13T14:36:00.000+10:00

I’m back and is better than ever, except that I need a few more hours of sleep….yawnzzz…Been MIA for the past few dayz, well as always I’m really tied up with my assignments. Tried to do a little bit of catching up with my friends via MSN, but some how after installing the latest version of MSN on my mac, it keeps signing me out after a few minutes…saying that the service is not available. Whatever, I’ll stick to Yahoo IM instead. That’s all for now…dun miss me:)

Mending Broken Pieces

2006-08-04T14:38:00.001+10:00

As I muse over my past, all these painful memories are coming back to haunt me again, this is a vicious cycle, whenever I’m all stressed out I’ll start dwelling and think of what and why certain things happened…I juz gotta break the cycle and get on with life. I’m trying real hard to leave everything to the guy up there but I juz can’t. The irony is that I am so totally broken yet I do lead a great life and everything is so perfect on the outside. Everyone has deep dark secrets and I’m juz trying real hard to keep things together and under wraps. I dun haf the courage to face my past cuz it had changed everything ever since. Deep down I’m getting darker, but I always try my best to spread joy and laughter. I wonder how can I make things easier, no doubt that I luv myself but somehow things will haf go wrong every time. This is bad enough and I’m juz afraid that whatever I’m doing right now would become wasted. Am I mending something that could not be even mended in the first place. I dun know, only time will tell I guess.

Peace...YawnzZZ

2006-08-03T13:52:00.000+10:00

I’m so drained nowadays, hardly got a few hours of sleep everyday and I’m practically glued to my screen trying to churn out my analysis. By the time I’m done for the day, its already 2am…and around 6am, I would be woken up by the aroma of brewing coffee. My back and shoulders are hurting like crazy and my lips are cracking. Although I prefer coffee to tea, I’m not really a coffee person…recently I feel that I’m getting oh so addicted to it, gotta get my dose of caffeine to function properly. Normally I dun need to spend so much time to get my assignments done, maybe it’s because I’m still adjusting to my new home and study area. I find that I tend to lose concentration easily cuz there’s too much distractions going on. I can feel that tension and frictions are rising every minute, I like parties and heading out, but when I’m home, I prefer to have peace and quiet, after all I see my home as a sanctuary. Whenever I try to build up my thoughts, something will happen to break it…may it be the phone, the doorbell…OMG…at the end of the day my head is filled with shitty annoyance! I agree that people change and things are not meant to be stagnant for long, but my life is getting dysfunctional…everyone sees me as a gal with good upbringing and temper, I agree, but I’m afraid of losing it soon…gotta curb that little burning fire…

The story of apples

2006-08-02T13:00:00.000+10:00

I’ve always haf the habit of munching on apples in between reading, watching tele, studying for exams, surfing the internet or even walking along the streets. I could polish off 4 to 5 apples a day although it is not my fav fruit. Always like citrus and bananas but anyway I would always pack an apple with me when I get outta for school esp in the morning when I dun really haf much time for breakfast. And I’ll always buy a banana form 7-11 during my lunch break if it was available. My friends tot that I was weird cuz I was the only one in our circle doing so….i’m not really a health freak ok…but recently along the streets, there seems to be a bunch of people munching on fruits bought straight from the supermarkets…esp apples…and my friend said that I’ve finally found people with similar habits! I replied, “Oh yeah, finally Singaporeans are paying more attention to their diet…cool”!

After observing these “health-conscious” people, my friend realized that most of them are not locals. Mostly from China, Thailand and Vietnam. The funny part is that I was waiting for someone outside NTUC one day and of course I was munching an apple….a Chinese national lady asked if I was studying at one of the commercial schools and which part of china did I come from. I smiled and said that I was local and what made her tot that I was from china? She replied that no way would Singaporeans munch on apples in a public place or while waiting for someone. And I said, “Now you’ve found one”! I related this to my friends and everyone lauf their heads off cuz I’ve always got this ABC look! Oh well at least despite of my horrendous command of mandarin, now I can say that I do look like a CBC instead of an ABC hahaha!

Speaking of apples, the HPB has been promoting the 2 Vege + 2 Fruits tagline for so many years, yet the rate of Singaporeans getting colorectal and other related cancers are increasing. Went to SGH yesterday and boy was it crowed! I was pleasantly surprise to find them giving out free apples to the patients during their wait. I gladly took one, wiped it clean and started to munch on it, other than me, no one else took up the offer except for a few senior citizens. Even so, after taking the apples, they simply kept it in their bag and began to stare at me. I was like duh…what’s there to look at? Its only an apple?! Some lauf and smiled while others were whispering. I started to munch faster and quickly disposed off the core. Yikes! Never had so many people staring at me for my entire life…fine either they like what they see or they must have tot that I was a wacko! I’m trying to hypnotize myself that it’s the first reason! Will I think twice before I munch an apple in public? I dun think so, its juz me and there’s no reasons to feel bad or ostracized about it…c’mon it’s only apples! Its not like I’m a junkie and killing myself with coke!

Concentration

2006-08-01T15:23:00.000+10:00

Was watching Rent again for dunno how many number of times, can’t seem to get tired of it…”how do you measure love”? The truth is, I dunno, its still a mystery to me. Is it just Affection? Infatuation? Obsession? Passion? Or simply lust? Perhaps it is the most basic care or just a simple “good morning”…. happily ever after doesn’t seems to exist anymore, hit and run is mostly what people do right now…with changing cultures, mind-set are changing too, values are shifted and its getting scary…really scary….and freaky

I’m beginning to haf doubts in what I’m doing lately…Is my focus correct? Am I shunning away from my problems? Is what I’m doing socially and morally correct? I’ve got this huge question mark in my head right now and I dun seem to haf the answer…sigh … complexity is exactly what I dun need now…gotta move my concentration to my books!

Readings, Reader...Whatever

2006-07-31T13:19:00.000+10:00

Finally juz submitted one of my case study analysis. This module is a killer, I gotta submit an analysis on every Monday for 10 consecutive weeks! Ranging from environmental analysis, swot, solutions, justification and implementation! The next one is on BMW. Wonder why did I take up this module in the first place? I tot that it would involve more organizational psychology in a biz environment but it seems like a marketing module to me! But anyway got to live with it. I had better start with my week’s readings now…

New Neighborhood, New Perspectives, The Same Old Me

2006-07-29T18:47:00.000+10:00

It’s almost the end of July and I’m beginning to settle in my new neighborhood. There seems to be a lot of children in the neighborhood cuz there’s a couple of schools nearby. Not forgetting that the amenities are awesome! Food is always within reach, the police post is juz a block away, the banks and post offices are juz a couple of streets away, the DVD rental store is just a 2 min walk and my fav is the jogging track that leads right to the neighborhood’s park. But frankly speaking senior citizens are the regulars over there…I seem to be the oddball over there! It’s a nice and peaceful place after all except for far too many screaming kids. I’ve never liked children and I dun even noe why. Perhaps the kids nowadays are not as innocent as before.

When I was a kid, I’m more of a homely sorta girl, dun really like to hang out after school and somehow I found it difficult to communicate with my peers, esp during elementary school. My classmates would be still bringing toys to school and is actively involved in role-playing while I was a complete nerd, I was more interested in my books and tech stuff more than anything else…still remembered that my dad got us an IBM when I was 6 and I was so into computer games…juz luv pac-man and alley cat! Then came my sega and playstation…things slowly changed as I grew up, I widen my circle of friends and here I am, always expressing an upbeat disposition and a contagious lauf. However, for the past week, been really busy with my school work and nothing went right! My PC got cranky and missed the online assignment dateline by 1 day! I missed project runway (season 2) for 2 weeks in a roll and tried compensating myself with some movies…least I still managed to watch a couple of DVDs…just like heaven, Charlie’s angles-full throttle, the 40 yr old virgin…wonder why I watched these flicks anyway, maybe I juz needed to get my mind off certain things. I only managed to fall asleep around 3 or 4am for these few days and whenever I woke up, I get a terrible headache! But I guess now working out and jogging is still what I need and luv best! Was watching MTV earlier, I kinda like Jessica Simpson’s new video – A Public Affair cuz its kinda cool with all those retro apparel as I’m really into retro stuff now…Ryan seacrest did a cameo as the chauffer and I am so into the skates!

As my school term starts

2006-07-21T16:53:00.000+10:00

Haf not been posting so much lately cuz my school term has juz started. Attended my first class yesterday and was glad to see many familiar faces again. But many seem to be kinda aloof, wondered who stepped on their tails. I juz feel that they are a bunch of show offs who’s trying real hard to show people that they have class yet not realizing that they ain’t got any to begin with. It is disgusting when these so called “classy” group of people talked to me when they heard that I spoke with an American accent. I could feel that they were trying so hard to shake off their unique accent. They should be proud of their heritage and not try to become someone else. Then as expected, questions about where I came from arise. I was like “huh”? What was going on in their mind? Does that mean that if I’m a true blue blooded Singaporean and you won’t speak to me?? So what if you swing a BMW car key right in front of me, it juz means that either you could drive or you haf a rich dad or you paid a lot for a keychain…

But anyway a lot of things seem to be going around me, but everyone is keeping a hush hush policy…wonder waz the huge secret? Or is everyone so mesmerized with the idea of becoming James Bond No. 2??

Demanding Times

2006-07-15T12:23:00.000+10:00

Mood: Stoned
Listening: Beautifully Broken
Right now, a lot of things are demanding for my attention, but there are times which I just wish I could sneak away for a while to reflect and have a little of peace and quiet. Just collected my books for semester 2, will be studying abnormal psychology and one of those boring compulsory subjects. Lame, but at least its my last term and I’ll graduate! Yeah! It has been a while since I had a serious conversation with someone. Was really busy with life and school. Maybe its because I don’t really want to have another one of those traditional so called serious conversations which gets nowhere by being completely honest.. Personally, I feel that being truthful is not valued in the society anymore. Everything is beautifully coated with a layer of sugar and everyone seems to bear grudges and turn a deaf ear to good honest advice. People are getting more self-centered and individualistic, yet everyone is advocating open communication and correcting the obvious wrong. To me it is all just lip-servicing. A lot of things are being said but nothing is done to make changes to the current way of doing things. For example, I really wonder if all the feedback forms that I had filled up ever goes to the top for reflection. Chances are that it should have been disregarded halfway through the hierarchy.

It is exactly the case in the education scene, right now the craze is to instill creativity in the students yet nothing much is done, most of the “creativity projects” are being implemented in so called prestigious schools instead, although neighborhood schools are slowly getting the hang of it, rote learning is still the prefer mode of teaching and learning because at the end of the day, the main bulk of the students’ grades comes from written examinations. Parents on the other hand are sending their kids to various enrichment classes with in mind that creativity can be “taught”. To a certain level it is true, but its gotta be nurtured, not taught in a classroom, its gotta be leant through fun hands-on experience, not being told which is a piece of creative work and which is not. Who is to assess and grade the level of creativity that is displayed in a piece of the work that the children had created?

The Big Move

2006-07-13T18:53:00.000+10:00

Finally, THE BIG MOVE is completed! But I think I’ll need a couple of months to be completely settled in cuz there’s a lot of unpacking to be done. Been having takeaways for the past few days, really missed my mom’s cooking. Frankly speaking I have no idea where and how to start unpacking, the movers left all of the boxes in one room, I just can’t find the stuff I need! Did not have Internet connection till today, as I could not find my computer’s cables. Wanted to utilize my school’s facilities, but I dun even haf the time to make a trip there. Speaking of cables, I have no idea where in the world is the cable TV box! I dun really watch local channels so the TV is sitting there collecting dust. Meanwhile the kitchen cabinets are not done yet cuz I’m still waiting for the shipment to arrive approximately next week. It’s a little dusty but still able to survive. Ain’t got no time to mingle with the neighbors, I’ll leave it to my mom instead. Will be heading down to Ikea next Sunday to pick up some new stuff for the house and get a haircut! Been going out with bandannas cuz I dun wanna spend time styling, besides its summer, shorter hair would be cooler and easier to maintain.

Drop Dead Gorgeous

2006-07-01T12:50:00.000+10:00

I find that there seems to be far too many reality TV shows going on nowadays. I admit that I luv watching them but somehow I cannot stop myself to wonder how “Real” they really are. One of my fav is of course Laguna Beach, it is said to be filmed across an 8-mth period and everything is REAL, but I really wonder…if that is the case why do all of them look so good in every scene? Kristin and Jessica always look smashing even with their hair held up casually with pins or clips and Stephen always look so radiant. Ok I did saw Talan wearing a pair of baggy 3-quarter pants and exposed the pair of black grandpa’s socks that he was wearing and everyone who was watching with me lauf so loudly…hahaha! Oh well then my friend came to a conclusion that no matter how “real” things are suppose to be, its still TV and everyone just gotta be drop dead gorgeous!

Drained

2006-06-30T14:00:00.000+10:00

Ouch! I’ve just scratched my hand while packing, yes I’m still packing and I just cannot seem to finish putting all my stuff into boxes! I missed my gym sessions and my sister was supposed to go jogging with me in the evening, but it was called off because everyone in my family is down with flu except me. I think I’ll catch it sooner or later because I’m feeling really tired and kept sneezing, my throat is kinda sore too. Everyone’s coughing and packing at the same time...OMG! I gotta inform so many people regarding my change of address and it’s giving me a huge headache! I’m just gonna take a break for toady and catch the latest season of smallville tonight on channel 5. Guess that I won’t be posting so often these dayz…

Bits and Pieces

2006-06-24T13:11:00.000+10:00

My results will be out in July and my driving test is during the end of July, its already my third attempt, I just gotta pass it this time, I believe that I can drive safely and steadily, but somehow every time during the test something unpredictable must happen to screw it up…and there goes my 200 bucks! It is no longer a game between the tester and student; it is a game with destiny and luck in this case. The points system is absolutely ridiculous, the testers dun bother if you are good on the average, they just love striking off points from the test sheet…a bunch of psycho idiots. I am sick and tired of going for revisions and go through all the routes and circuits again and again, bloody boring! I’ve even heard stories of people passing the stupid test after 12 attempts! How ridiculous can it get? I guess that I can safely say that of all countries, it is the most difficult to pass a driving test in Singapore! Not forgetting it is so bloody very expensive to own a car after getting that precious license!

Moving Sucks!

2006-06-23T15:09:00.000+10:00

I cannot seem to be able to post pictures here, wonder waz wrong? I’ve been sneezing the whole morning cuz I was packing books into cartons. I’ve dumped quite a number of my old notes but I just can’t finish with the task, the lot seems endless…I’ve got tons and tons of books! I was supposed to take a look at the new house yesterday but my parents had to go to the contractor instead and I ended up packing and packing and packing…OMG! I’m dumping magazines now and I gotta clear the food stuff from my mini bar fridge…I think I will eat them hahaha! Been missing out on my gym sessions because of all these. I’m beginning to realize that working out is very much addictive, some people find it a penance, but I find it a pleasure! I feel so much more energized after letting it all out on the machines and somehow emotionally I do feel a whole lot better and happier.

We're Moving!

2006-06-22T13:29:00.000+10:00

I’ve been packing my stuff the whole of last night, did not realized that I’ve got so many bags and clothes stashed in my sister’s room. I really dunno how or where to start with packing my books and stationeries. I got a number of plastic boxes for my CDs and other discs, I think I got well over 400 albums…all these packing is driving me nuts and to tell the truth, my sister and I’ve not even been to the new place that we’re gonna move into…I was really busy with school work and she was tied up with church stuff. I’ll be making a trip down to the new place later in the afternoon …according to my dad, it is quite bare, so my mom will be getting a contractor to do up the place ASAP. I would love to go down to the showrooms to choose the concept and design, it’s a definite PINK theme for my room!

Its over baby!

2006-06-21T12:25:00.000+10:00

Finally my exams are over! I could answer all of the questions…Yeah! I slept like a baby last nite and the best thing is that I woke up at 11am…been ages since I’ve have the privilege of waking up after 8am…I gotta go for my branch now…I’m starving!

Exams are coming!

2006-06-18T20:50:00.000+10:00

Wooahh, just had a feast of hawker food and now I’m back in the comfort of my home. Had a lot of great stuff...was sharing the food around…I ordered beef noodles, hokkien noodles, fried oyster omelette, BBQ chicken wings, sugarcane juice with lemon and many other stuff…now I’m really stuffed. Will post the pictures later. Been MIA for the past week cuz I’m really engrossed with my books..after my exams, I’ll be able to let myself down and get busy with the Great Singapore Sale, had missed out a lot of deals…meanwhile wish me good luck for my exams! Ciao!

5 More Days

2006-06-14T12:50:00.000+10:00

5 more days before my exams and I guess that I’ve done most of my revision, but it never hurts to go through them again. Hope that I’ll get pretty good grades, next semester will be my last term and I just need to clear my final 2 psychology subjects! After that load off my mind, I can concentrate on getting a job, but I would really like to travel to a couple of places before I get down with work. I seriously would like to go to Taiwan again cuz I can never get tired of it. The food is great and the clothes are chic and cheap! Speaking of Taiwan, the 5 Tjs from 5 Takes will be heading to Taiwan and I’m looking forward to that episode. I enjoyed the episode about Singapore and I think that it had projected a positive image about our multi-cultural society! As for Taiwan, I’m a little worried for them cuz getting around in the city would be a problem as most of the signs are in Chinese and sometimes the road signs in English doesn’t make sense at all…good luck guys!

Humour

2006-06-13T13:06:00.000+10:00

Been trying to share my style of humour with people but most of the time, people juz dun get it…hmmm weird, cuz I'm pretty good at cracking people up with jokes and some magic tricks, maybe I juz gotta cut down on sarcasm jokes…although I feel a little bad, at the end of the day I'm not sorry hehehe…speaking of sarcasm, I've been chatting with my mom about this topic and a little on temper and tantrums. My mom made me realized that I’ve mellowed down a lot recently, I can't even remember the last time I told someone to jump off the bridge…hahaha. But I've always been really sarcastic, can't be help cuz my dad is even better at this game, call it genes baby!

New Layout

2006-06-12T22:01:00.000+10:00

Juz changed the layout...not finished yet...will be adding some other stuff later...

17th Golden Melody Awards

2006-06-11T13:38:00.000+10:00

Stayed up the whole night to watch the 17th Golden Melody Awards, and I luv the after show event where they covered the backstage…awesome! It was star-studded indeed with Asia’s hottest celebrities gracing the event. There’s Kang Ta and Seven from Korea, the Japanese guy from the boy group Arashi and lots more! I like the performance by Kang Ta & Vaness, they were hot and had such sleek dance moves! Oh ya...Patty's special guest performance was cool too...at least she could lauf at herself...The best part was that I screamed my head off when Tanya won the Best Female Vocalist Award, its about time to show some recognition for her talent, Stefanie won the same award last year…they are doing Singaporeans proud in the Chinese entertainment scene. It was kinda funny throughout the show, I was slapping my forehead when Taozi and Xiao S had milk squirting out from their outfit…hahaha! They way they teased Lee Hom about the boo boo he made last year was hilarious too. As for the celebrities’ outfits, many went for the safe color scheme…black or white…I like what Kang Ta wore cuz it’s a little flashy yet studious for a guy and he had glasses on…Karen Mok’s improvised version of the Qipao was smashing with all the bling bling, SHE was sweet and Stefanie was beautiful with 3 changes of fabulous outfits…gonna catch the encore telecast later again….

Those were the dayz

2006-06-08T14:39:00.000+10:00

Had dinner with my sister at a Japanese restaurant the other day. Ok so we cleaned 9 plates of sushi and Gelato Apple ice cream…we are not exactly small eaters but since we’re talking about sushi rice, its kinda filling. I’ve always loved Japanese cuisine and its culture, wondered why I did not take up Japanese as a third language ever in the first place? I still remembered when I was a teen…my sister and I used to experiment a lot of off-the-book recipes at home, of course we made sushi too and it wasn’t so hard after all, did not look that good, but still edible…we had great fun rolling them with sushi mats and improvising the fillings/toppings with our favorite ingredients like streaky beacon and even fruits soaked in rum!
My sister is great at making confectionaries and pastries but she seldom meddle with these stuff now cuz she’s got a tight schedule everyday. Although I like to cook and get my hands dirty, I dreaded Home Economics classes when I was in school, cooking was no longer fun cuz we can’t use our creativity in our dishes, there’s time limits, unappetizing standardized recipes and not forgetting every H.E teacher that I got was a bloody authoritarian idiot who juz screamed at everyone for no reason! Wonder why it is compulsory for students to take H.E, now even boys have to take the subject! Errmm… I think girls have to take up Technical and Design too…yikes…pass me the saw and drill! But still I gotta admit I did pick up some life skills from the subject…at least I can bake decent pastries and I do make excellent scotch eggs! Now back to the Jappy stuff…I used to like those Japanese manga, which were translated into Chinese...but eventually gave it up cuz I had difficulty understanding a lot of Chinese characters, at the end of the day…I was so drained….and I tot reading manga was supposed to make me relax…sigh…well at least my pronunciation is good, that’s what people said…hahaha!

I was bored so...

2006-06-06T15:29:00.000+10:00

I was bored…so I took a break from my books and did a new personality test. As I was saying that I was exploring the deeper issues of my life, and thus I did one on my values profile:

***Your Values Profile***

Loyalty:
You value loyalty a fair amount – ok fine, so does this mean I might become a back-stabber?
You're loyal to your friends... to a point – so I’ve the potential to become a professional double-crosser cum back-stabber...yeah!...I am Evil!
But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties – oh yea, true, so dun get on my nerves
Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself – trying real hard to let the real me surface to the top…making good progress

Honesty:
You don't really value honesty – maybe I’m not being true to myself…ok but white lies doesn’t hurt right?
You do value getting your way, no matter what and if a little lying is required to do that, no problem – ok we’ve hit jackpot…can’t deny it that I used to be like that, I’m changing trust me
A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!) – that’s why they call it white lies…minimal damage is what I’m concern with. I always believe in the lesser of 2 evils…

Generosity:
You value generosity a fair amount – yes that’s why I’m broke monetary and drained emotionally
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take – I try to strike a balance hehehe…
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need – Yup, that’s always the case, but sometimes I do get played out instead…sigh…friends…
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! – if I did, I would not be in this shit…bleh…so I’m gonna sharpen my skills for now.

Humility:
You don't really value humility – actually I do
You don't have much to be humble about – Yea no doubt about it, but I’m learning to stay low profile
And you might as well promote yourself, because no one else will – oh yes..I'm cocky to a certain extend, so sue me...hahaha!
You're a pretty special person, and you let everyone know it – everyone tells me that I bring joy and delight to them…hmmm or am I making a fool of myself and others are having a good lauf…at least they are happy lor…

Tolerance:
Not only do you prefer to be around people very similar to you – absolutely, then I dun haf to keep up with my positive image and I can juz be myself.
They're the only kind of people you'll tolerate.
You know what you believe in, and you don't like to deviate from that – I’m gearing towards it for sure
You don't hate people who are very different - you just don't want to be around them – exactly how I feel!

There’s some accuracy but like what I’ve always said, its juz for fun and its up to me to lead my life that way I want it to be…Yeah!

Sickness...

2006-06-04T18:35:00.000+10:00

Been organizing my thoughts for quite some time already, I vaguely recall reading this from somewhere, “Sickness makes people unhappy, Unhappiness makes people sick”. Sure makes sense, unfortunately for me, it is till now then I fully comprehend the meaning of this. But its never too late I guess, I’m getting more positive right now and its definitely not juz a front, its coming from the inside…juz dun stress me out…my threshold has gone down a lot….maybe its because of all the exercising that I’ve been doing that had got me straightened out my thinking…like I’ve always said, I’m much more clear-headed after working out, or maybe its because of all that muscle aching that makes me feel alive…hmm…I dunno, but I firmly believe that a lot of things happen with a purpose and the plain though of this gives of a lota of internal peace. I used to make a lota plans for my future, but I realized that when things dun go the way I want it to be…I juz feel so shitty and terrible cuz its like I’ve let so many people down. I’m learning how to take things slowly and let nature takes it course, what will come, will come…of course I still give myself directions as to where I’m heading, I’m more into the big picture now rather than micro-managing my life….I can already see a great future ahead of me, all the wonderful things that I’ll be doing after I graduate, all the great people that I’ll meet…although I’m still adjusting…I keep telling myself that life is still worth living for even in the midst of crisis where everything is so f’up…its my life we’re talking about and I’m worth it!

Happy Birthday to Moi

2006-06-02T13:48:00.000+10:00

Had a nice and warmed birthday celebration, all family and no one else…no friends…no booze…nothing non-constructive. Although it was the usual stuff like opening presents, blowing the candles and cutting the cake, I was pretty contented cuz this seems to be the first birthday that I felt no pressure from everyone and was relieve that my family is supportive of my decisions. Not forgetting a big Thank you to all you people out there who sent me tons of Birthday cards, greetings and well wishes....via emails, e-cards, snail mails, text messages.....Thanks! This is a short entry cuz I gotta hit the books now, will load some pics and post more about my future directions later…ciao!

Last Post of the Month!

2006-05-31T18:26:00.000+10:00

Mood: Anything but Sad…Yeah!
Listening: Boulevard of broken dreams – Green day
Current Project: Packing my stuff cuz I’m moving to a new place

Whoopee! Today is the last day of May and tomorrow’s my birthday! Although its gonna be my birthday, I’ve already discarded all plans to get myself wasted cuz I wan to be a goodie good girl on my birthday…at least for once hahahaha! Thus I’m not going anywhere except staying at home and celebrating it with my family. Getting older…hence I’m gonna cut down on a lot of things… dun wan to keep my parents worried hehehe…maybe juz for a while…but anyway, got to revise for exams so it’ll be the best that I stay put at home and reserve my energy for my papers…a big girl now gotta be more sensible! But I guess that I’ll be working out later cuz the weather is great!

I’ve managed to persuade my sister to join me for evening jogs starting from next Monday, its always nice to have someone with you at least there’s someone to talk to. But I guess that everyone is Singapore will be having a good workout from all that shopping cuz the Great Singapore Sale is on…practically I see people with tons of shopping bags over their arms the moment they step outta a shop…scary…although I do consider myself as a shopaholic, I still can’t fully understand the magic of “shopping therapy”. I always freak out when I see the determination in women’s eyes when they are buying shoes…they could try on all the designs and sizes and not buy a pair or, they would buy everything in all shades or colors, I’ll always be the one waiting and carrying their stuff like a fool but with a smile always…as for men, I dread it when it comes to getting sound systems with them, they could stand there like idiots and listen to the sub-woofer going “boom boom boom” and grin in such an embarrass and stupid way…juz feel like knocking on their heads to see juz where they’ve gone! To sum it all, I do like to shop, but mainly for books, thus I’m proud to say that I’m not of high maintenance!

BTW Dragon Boat Festival also falls on today… as tradition I had glutinous rice dumplings for breakfast…dun really feel like having them cuz I’ve always had a hard time digesting these stuff…oily and sticky…but like what I said…its my family tradition, so I juz gotta bear with that extra calories.

Nervous and Unsure

2006-05-29T12:35:00.000+10:00

Mood: Nervous and Unsure
As my birthday is approaching, I’m getting a little uptight about it cuz this means I’m getting older, apparently the definition of adulthood by the people around me means that I should get wiser and mature…bleh… C’mon I do meet people who are utterly childish and irritating despite their age…sad to say most of them are guys…Deep down I juz dun feel like growing up yet, I’m gonna keep reminding myself that I’m young at heart! However, I do wish that I’ll become more mature and be able to handle the daily issues of my life as a sensible adult. With one more semester to go before I graduate, this will also mean that I’ll be able to share some of my family responsibilities when I get a decent job… I’m eagerly looking forward to that! Since I’m doing a double major in psychology and business management, I dun think it’ll be difficult to get a job, but from past experiences…to get one I really like would be difficult…juz keep my fingers crossed for now.

I’ve been through a lot of shit in my teens cuz I did not foresee the serious consequences of not being true to myself. I did what others wanted me to do, what seems correct for me to do…everything was about them, what I’ll become if I followed their “suggestions”…nothing was about my dreams, aspirations and most depressing was that nobody was interested to find out what I liked and really wanted to do. I wanted everyone to be happy, thus, constantly I had to keep up with their expectations which eventually made me dreaded my so-called perfect future. On the outside, I was happy and to the extent I even tried to convince myself that I should be happy cuz the path I took initially was a road to success in the eyes of everyone. But I was miserable and indirectly caused a lot of unhappiness to everyone. After all these screw-ups and drama, I am determine to make my adulthood a fulfilling and exciting one, I firmly believe that I am capable of shaping my own future that way I want it to be, and nobody is gonna stop me this time!

Got the Song!

2006-05-27T12:38:00.000+10:00

I’m in high spirits todae. Although I’ve not got a cassette player to listen my sister’s tape…I’m really happy to be able to get hold of the song "We Could Be Together"! …Special thanks to Derek, the blog owner of Mr Peanut Is Not Dead for his help…such a helpful guy! I’m a regular of his blog cuz it’s mainly about food and can’t deny that I luv food! Not forgetting that the pics he takes are awesome! If you are sucker like me when it comes to food, you juz gotta drop by his blog. Once again…A BIG THANK YOU TO DEREK!

It's Debbie Gibson!

2006-05-26T17:53:00.000+10:00

Mood: Yea..kinda ok…not too bad sorta feeling
Listening: Love Story – Van Fan
What I’m working on: Reading books

Been having sudden cold chills for a few days, but I feel pretty good today but something seems to be bothering me, but I dun noe what…something is juz not quite right…weird feeling…Going for a workout later…usually after it, I’ll feel exceptionally good from all that sweating. Makes me feel refresh and clear-headed, sad to say I can only afford the time to do so for 2-3 times a week.

Previously I was trying to figure out a catchy song that I heard on the bus and posted in on my blog and Yahoo Answers…finally I managed to get the answer! Yeah…the song is "We Could Be Together" by Debbie Gibson, could be found in her album “Electric Youth”. No wonder it rang no bells when I asked my friends about this…pretty old song I guess…we belong to a different era…I tried to find this song off the net but made no progress, then I turned to my sister for some help and suggestion as to where can I get hold of the song…perhaps the album or something…dunno why I was so persistence to get the song…bleh…scary…I’m getting more retro…to my surprise, my sister said that she haf the cassette tape of the album! Wow! I was really happy when she dug into her pile of tapes and showed me the album, it was in good condition as in it was free from mould except for a crack on the cover…I should haf juz ask my sister about this in the first palce cuz it could haf save me from all the trouble form asking the people around me…hmmm this post may juz remind my sister of the age gap that we haf…hehehehe! Now that I’ve got the tape, the next thing is to find a cassette player, if I remembered correctly; I’ve not seen one around my house since I was 12 yrs old …see how advanced technology is…luckily my sister did not show my a vinyl record version!

Silent Reading

2006-05-25T12:43:00.000+10:00

Mood: Cranky and Sleepy
Listening: My Fair Lady – Musicals on CD
What I’m working on: Still revising for exams and preparing for my birthday:)

I’ve completed a few chapters of my readings, just take a look at my learning materials…so bloody thick…

Anyway, I was going through my dad’s “personal library” cuz I wanted to read some books other than my bloody service operations textbook. I call my dad’s books collection his “personal library” cuz he got loads of books, juz like a mini library. I think there are about 1000 over volumes of books and I really wonder how are we gonna move all of them to our new place by the end of June…a big headache! Most of them are books on historical, political or about religious thingy. He also has a small collection of classic novels like Wuthering Heights blah blah blah, but I’ve already read most of them when I was in middle school. As I was going through his books I came across Holy Blood, Holy Grail, it was published in 1982, juz look at how torn and tattered the book is, but I’m gonna read it anyway. Due to the Dan Brown’s syndrome, I also took the following books - The End of Time, A History of God and Holy Faces, Secret Places. Oh yeah…gonna get busy! About reading habits…my mom is the typical tai tai who reads mainly magazines nowadays, from Home Décor to Cleo to those gossip magazines and the list goes on. As mentioned, my dad luv books about history, wars, political and autobiographies. As my dad can’t read or understand Chinese, all of his books about china’s history and culture are in English; he even got the English version of the Romance of the three kingdoms…bleh! Ok I admit that my Chinese is not that good too, maybe juz as bad as my dad’s command but at least I understand Chinese pop songs hehehe. Although I’m pretty interested in history, I’m only good at memorizing stuff for history exams…once it’s over, it’s over…80% of the books that my sister read are about Christianity or other religions, the remaining 20% are recipes books…that explain why she’s such goodie good Christian and cook! As for me, most of my books are about suspense, murders, detective stuff or thrillers… that’s why I’m such a big fan of CSI! But I never like books on ghosts or supernatural stuff cuz I juz find them so bloody lame…when I was in high school, everyone was so into books like True Singapore Ghost Stories and everyone would be reading one during recess…I was like huh?! What were they thinking as to read a ghost story in mid-day…then rumors about ghosts in female toilets started to spread and somehow I’ll always ended up being the one who will be dragged by my classmates to accompany them to the loo because of this…lame

Pictures Time

2006-05-24T12:16:00.000+10:00

Mood: Chirpy
Listening: True – Ryan Canbrera
What I’m working on: Revising for exams & Training myself to write with my left hand

Was browsing my photo albums and decided to post some photos today instead. This is my hamster, Miki. She’s about 8 mths old. Miki is my 5th hamster; previously I’ve got 4 hamsters courtesy of my sister’s colleague. The 4 of them passed away at around 3 years old, sad…parting is always difficult. This is my favourite pair of slippers that I wear at home. My sister bought it from Malaysia I think. I’ve got another pair of fav in stripes but I dun haf a picture of it yet…

This is my mother’s concoction of chrysanthemum with wolfberry seeds. Been having this since I was a kid, was said to be good for the eyes. Although I’ve got great teeth, my eyesight sucks, but then again may be due to my small eyes…hahaha….maybe that’s why I flunked my driving test twice! Most of the people I know says that I dun look local…some would say that I sound like a Taiwanese due to my spoken mandarin, others would say that I look like a nerdy ABC due to my features and skin colour… whatever…like what Angelina says, “we are children of the world”! ok now back to topic…my all time favourite Chinese dessert is sesame seed paste, luv the thick and smooth consistency, my sister prefer almond cream instead.

My sister made this yesterday, it’s a balloon sculpture of a poodle dog. My sister has always been really good with art and crafts and all the kids in Sunday school juz adore her…the idol of Sunday school…hehehe

Been Here and There

2006-05-23T13:51:00.000+10:00

Mood: Pretty good
Listening: When it all falls apart – The Veronicas
What I’m working on: Revising for exams
I’m currently revising for my June exams, although it is still early…about 4 weeks to go, I’m working really hard on this paper cuz I think I’ve screwed up my 2nd assignment and its gonna cost me 20% of my overall grade…I still managed to find time to go out for a break, was at Funan yesterday and it was kinda dead, not many people…maybe it’s a Monday…practically everything was about Xbox 360, loads of booths located all over the building…yawnzz…it cost a whopping $660 and I do see a few people happily buying and paying at Challenger…I’m waiting for PS3 at the end of the year before I make a decision as to which console to get…

I took a few photos juz for fun. As you can see from this photo, the place was quite empty

oh as there was nobody around, I quickly took a shot of the loo…call me a pervert…hahaha!…but anyway it was pretty clean and I was surprise to find the “step” to climb up to the squatting toilet to be so steep…dangerous…what if the person fall…hahaha! Personally I am very picky when it comes to visiting public washrooms, hate those wet, yucky and stinky loos, I juz can’t convince myself to “do my big business” in public loos!

I also took a few shots of some standing boards…cute!

In search of wisdom...bleh

2006-05-22T11:58:00.000+10:00

I’m currently searching for wisdom cuz I want to do something for my future, and hence for the past week, I’ve been spending most of my time exploring the deeper issues of my life. What I wanna do with it, where I’m heading yada yada yada…I’ve come up with a new motto and I’ll try to live by it….

"which is never to sell myself short and believe in myself that I’ve made the right choices and done the right thing"

of course at the same time to take things at leisure cuz I hate the burnt out feeling. I’m all set to embrace new territories that are waiting for me to explore cuz I feel that it is about time for me to strut what I have…juz you people wait and see the brand new Charley! All these while, people expected a lot from me and there’s juz so much that I can possibly give, this resulted in self-pity and resentment cuz on my part, I dun want to compromise on my so call obligations…likewise I expected a lot from myself too and was trying to play by the rules by being a goodie good Brady which is totally not me…eventually I became so bloody drained, I dun even used to haf the time to read a book or catch a movie hoping that it could take me away from all the shit. But now I’m trying to change everything and it gotta start from the inside…I’m pretty sure that things will look up…Cheers!

Arrgghhh! Bloody Template

2006-05-21T16:09:00.000+10:00

Ok, I've screwed up my blog's template...I juz could not get the layout right and some of the links had gone bonkers...using one of blogspot standard templates...will work on it later...sigh

99 Things About Charley

2006-05-21T13:24:00.000+10:00

Without knowing it, I’ve already expanded my quick facts and favorite list till over 50 items. As I was browsing the web, I figured out that a lot of people had come up with a “100 things about me” sorta list and I found that it’s kinda exciting to put together a list that’s all about myself. I’ve rearranged my current list and came up with a list of 99 things about myself, but I guess that I’ll be adding more items to it in the future. Check it out http://99-things-about-charley.blogspot.com/

Waz the name of the song?!

2006-05-21T12:04:00.000+10:00

On my way home, I heard a song on the radio, which was really catchy, but I missed the title and the artist…I think it goes something like this… “If you say jump, I’ll say how high…blah blah blah…if we can be together for a while…” It’s by a female singer but I juz dun noe the title of the song…. some kind soul out there, if you happen to noe pls tell me! Would really appreciate it:)

Was trying to get rid of the clutter in my room and packing my stuff into carton boxes cuz I’m gonna move to a new place by end of June. While I was packing, I found my old little M & N’s alarm clock…it was collecting dust at a little corner ever since I did away with clocks in my room cuz I found them to be a little too noisy with the ticking sound…oh well brought back a lota memories…how goofy I was, how temperament I was, how a goodie good kid I was hahaha! I also found the lunch box that I used when I was kid in one of my cupboards…wonder how it landed there…

I’ll never forget the days when I was so contented to juz have a nice big fat sandwich for lunch…I juz and still luv peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese (gotta be grilled) and my all time fav chicken mayo with lettuce… yum! Sometimes I wish I could go back to the dayz where I was still a bubbly kid…living in a much simpler and less complex world…all these changes for the past few years has made me indulged in self-pity, bitterness, endless attacks of sorrows and sleepless nites…but people dun noe cuz I’m good at covering my “tracks”…In their eyes, things can’t get any better for me, I’m a happy-go-lucky person juz like my mom…a strong and resourceful person like my dad and a religious law abiding person like my good old sister… others say that I’m upbeat, a go-getter and my laughter is contagious cuz I bring delights to everyone…deep down I wonder…do they noe me at all? At the end of the day, I’m beginning to believe that I’m juz another bloody hypocrite juz like everyone…ewww the thought of it is freaking me out cuz I hate hypocrites. …What the heck…I dun give a shit about it…zoning out right now…

Luv Being a Slacker!

2006-05-20T11:35:00.000+10:00

Been slacking for the past week. Physically and mentally I feel so much bloody relieved and happier but sometimes guilt does set in…. guilt vs relieve….hmmmm tough choice….my exams is on 20th June and I gotta start my revision soon cuz there’s many things to cover. Got a froggy prince plush toy from my sister…she bought it from Ikea I think…hmmm it looks kinda blur to me with those silly eyes and its sitting on my study table…when will my prince charming appear?! Forget it…frogs suck and guys suck a million times more…hahahaha! Its juz gonna be ME and MYSELF for some time till I work things out properly…dun haf the energy to get involve in messy relations…yawnzzz…beside I’m young…lets wait a couple of days, weeks, months and years first…prefer to get more of my beauty sleep….

Dreamy

2006-05-19T00:05:00.000+10:00

Feels kinda dreamy and my friends are saying that I’m not looking at them like I used to when we are communicating …huh? I dunno maybe I was checking out some hot guys or gals…multi-tasking is the “in” thing now hahaha! Its not that I’m not giving them the deserved attention, its juz like what I’ve said earlier…I’m kinda dreamy and my thoughts were juz wandering I guess…but anyway, I’ve juz got Jolin’s latest album – Dancing Diva…as usual dance tracks and luv songs, not much of a surprise, was expecting more or something different since she had joined a new recording company – EMI Capitol…but I do like the music video of Dancing Diva cuz yoga and gymnastics moves were incorporated…cool! I felt strange that Jolin decided to keep her hair long, straight and black, cuz normally she would be quite daring when it comes to hair colours…unless she’s secretly preparing to endorse some sorta shampoo or something that requires black hair…who noes…Sony-BMG released a compilation of Jolin’s previous hits and called it J-top to counteract her latest album…lame…call it marketing strategy…

Month of May

2006-05-18T15:44:00.000+10:00

juz changed the layout again...luv doing so...dunno why...anyway my dad's birthday will be coming in 10 days time...both of us are Gemini...hehehe...and mine's on the 1st of June...bleh...getting older....haf a sudden urge to get myself a tattoo to mark my upcoming birthday, I’ve never entertained this thought before cuz I cannot stand any form of pain, I hate jabs and piercing…and the list goes on…dunno what struck me but I’m beginning to find tattoos of arm bands with tribal designs and those tattoos on the hip bone extremely appealing …ouch!

Adventures at a Polyclinic

2006-05-18T13:12:00.000+10:00

I’ve never been to a polyclinic before in my life and I was at one yesterday to get a referral to a specialist, my dad said that it will be more affordable this way and thus I went. The Indian lady over at the registration counter scanned my ID for any past records with them and asked me a question when I passed my queue number to her “Haf u been to this polyclinic before?” I replied no and she continued to ask “What about other polyclinics?” I gave an innocent no too. After that, she gave me a kinda stunned look and I started to get weird stares from the people in the next counter queue…I could practically read their minds…they must be thinking how could I haf not ever visited a polyclinic before … immediately I felt kinda alienated and went back to my seat trying to play it cool and ignore the stares. What is wrong with these people or is there really something wrong with me?!

Why haf I not ever visited a polyclinic before? That’s a bloody good question. Firstly it is too bloody far from my place, I might haf died on my way there if I really needed some help…errr maybe the A & E would be better for serious cases…Besides, my family doctor is located near my place juz a block away and secondly, I dun really feel like joining the queue for 2-3 hours juz to see a doctor for a common cold or something even though it is much cheaper… I can’t imagine if I haf to go thru the turmoil of sitting in the polyclinic and coughing my head off for 3 hours juz waiting for my number to be flashed on the screen…call me a spoilt brat or whatever, let’s juz put it in such a way that I’m trying to be socially responsible cuz I dun want to spread my germs to others by not going to a polyclinic for the past 20 years…does it make it better?

Now back to visit, as expected I waited for about 3 hours before I managed to see that doctor, luckily my dad was with me, at least I dun feel so bored. After 2+ hours, I was kinda sleepy and I turned and blurted out to my dad “What the Fxxx is taking them so long?” I think I said it too loudly and my dad was giving me a …"shhhhh…. that was a little too loud look”…I gave him a “Opppsss I forget we’re in the public look” and tried to act innocent….cuz normally I dun use the F-word…not to mention in the public…I gave a quick scan of my surroundings and luckily there were not many people at the corner which we were seated…then both of us chuckled at that moment…hahahaha!

Exfoliate...Yeah!

2006-05-17T12:18:00.000+10:00

Juz came back from a jog and took a nice long shower. My mom says that I’m nuts to be out jogging in this hot weather…I should go to the gym instead…but I’ve not been jogging around my area for a long long time, juz wanna have a change…but anyway it’s been quite a while since I had the leisure to take a nice hot long bath…previously it was like..ok juz got 10 mins and I gotta hit the books…today I took my own sweet time to properly exfoliate the dead cells off my skin…pamper my skin with loads of lotion...toner blah blah blah…and yes I wasted 50 gallons of water…juz kidding….

Slacker...Yeah!

2006-05-16T11:15:00.000+10:00

Been slacking for the past few days…I’m trying to count my blessings instead of harping on the past…lets hope that I’ll succeed…meanwhile I’ll continue to hide myself from the world and spend some time to recharge my inner spirits. I’m working on what direction I want my life to take…careful planning is what I need…no rushing whatsoever…a lot of people are giving me loads of advice, but I juz wanna work it out on my own…personally I felt that whatever was said juz dun seem right for me somehow…ever since I was a kid its always what people think I should be doing, not what I would like to do…. its always what is right to them and not how I feel is right, its always social / religious obligations and not about what really makes me happy…sigh…can’t find a balance here after so many frinking years…should I continue to please others and do what they like so that I can shut them up and have a moment of peace or should I juz flow with my heart which might result in heavy consequences? I thought I had grown outta my teenage years with all these dilemmas, but these old issues are once rearing its ugly head again…I seem to haf problems with all aspects of my life…actually its kinda simple…I juz feel like following my heart to do something which is definitely wrong and unacceptable in the eyes of everyone…but deep down inside, why does it feel so bloody right for me to do so? I’m hesitating and I dun haf answers…I smile and everyone thinks I’m fine…yea right…

Enough of all these crap…I’ll work it out somehow…anyway, yesterday’s was really funny cuz I bought a new bottle of LUX shampoo from Watson and I thought I had put in the bathroom cuz I wanted to use it in the evening. But then my mom took it out cuz I’ve not finish using my current shampoo, instead she put in a bottle of LUX showering foam as it was running low. Then when I was taking my shower, you should haf guessed it…I actually used the LUX showering foam to wash my hair instead…they were all in blue and had kinda similar contours…blah blah blah…this proved one thing…always read the labels before you eat or use anything…arrgghhh. I also went to the Baptist bookshop with my sister yesterday, been a long time since I’ve stepped into a Christian bookshop, yeah…I’m a backslider…juz kidding! Was browsing and wanted to get something to read, I was hoping that I could get some books about the issues that I’m struggling with…but nothing caught my fancy…it seems that everything was about The Da Vinci Code…yawnzzz…

I do believe in spooks?!

2006-05-15T12:59:00.000+10:00

Was woken up by my sister’s screams in the middle of the night! My mom thought that I was the one who screamed cuz I’m the crazy one at home and crashed into my room trying to find out waz wrong and I sprung up from my bed..awww can’t a girl ever get some decent sleep?! Then we realized that it was my sister and went to her room…and guess what…she said that she saw a reddish figure in her room…which means…she saw something of supernatural existence…in other words a bloody ghost…personally I never believed in such things maybe because I’ve never seen or felt one…or my ghostdar needs some fixin’…spirits…ghosts…whatever cuz I dun give a damn, I’m more concern about how to get back on track and get on with my life…if I had one to begin with in the first place…

2 More Weeks!

2006-05-14T13:05:00.000+10:00

Got a revision class later in the afternoon, guess that we’ll be going thru the last few readings and past years papers. In about 2 more weeks, my birthday will be coming, so what do I wish for…lets see…getting older, hope that I’ll get wiser and mature too, may I be able to put all my sorrows and unhappiness into the past and face my future with new found strength, zest and confidence. Hope to meet great people who can give me sound advice and guidance, develop more on my spiritual side, travel to more places, widen my horizon and of course get excellent grades! Oh yea and world peace:)

Since it’s about my birthday I did a little test at blogthings, it’s about birth months:

***Your Birth Month is June***
Peaceful and harmonious, you seek the gentle side of life – oh yea, true for now after all the shit that I went through, trust me I’m really gentle now and I dun bite…not as often that is…
Your warmth and consideration touches many – I’m sincere but juz dun let many people into my life, that’s juz the way I am, good or bad, I dun give a damn!
Your soul reflects: Friendship, love, and beauty
Your gemstone: Pearl
Your flower: Rose
Your colours: Light blue, white, and cream – oh yes I luv white and nothing beats the comfort of a plain old white cotton tee! Got any sponsors?

***Your Birth date: June 1***
You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet – ok so the blind is leading the blind hahaha!
You have the power and self-confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily – picking up the pieces now, not making much headway, still slacking but I’ll keep trying to move on.
Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail – oh yea, my sister always tells me that that I’m creative for all the wrong things in life! Wait till you see how I use the microwave…you dun wanna know what I dump into it…
You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details – Absolutely I do, but others don’t, they juz keep biting my head off for the slightest things, who can blame me for biting back! Awww…I need my dentist…
Your strength: Your supreme genius
Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity – that explains my neuroticism!
Your power colour: Gold
Your power symbol: Star
Your power month: January

Get rid of them!

2006-05-13T12:15:00.000+10:00

Got a sudden outbreak of pimples! I dun noe if it is the weather or because I’m losing sleep. It was very warm and humid for the past week…and it still is…but I do try to keep my skin as clean and refresh as possible with wet tissues…seems to be getting a sore throat too…most probably it is due to my lack of sleep…whenever I need to mug for exams, I’ll have loads of zits and an uncomfortable throat…the older Chinese generation will say that I’m “heaty” and will need to take “cooling” stuff to balance the internal energies…I’ve never believed in all these things but I juz gotta listen cuz its tradition…I think I juz need more orange juice…my mom had brewed barley and ginkgo with rock sugar today…my all time favourite, I wouldn’t mind getting more pimples if this continues…errr I better take it back…I prefer to have good complexion. Cuz I’m kinda fair even though I do go under the sun quite a lot, a tiny pinkish pimple would be so bloody obvious on my face…now I’ve got like 4 of them all of a sudden…Aarrrgghhhh! Gotta take out my sunglasses now…I dun haf oily skin…kinda normal except for the t-zone… To hell with all my pimples!

Forgetfulness

2006-05-12T13:45:00.000+10:00

Once in a while, everyone tends to forget about something. I am kinda absent-minded too, but I never miss any datelines. I’ve fell hard and I’ve learnt the hard way, right now I’m beginning to lean towards selective amnesia and selective hearing, I juz wanna be happier, from the inside, not on the outside, like it always has been. If only I could…I could be happier…

If only I haf the courage to seek freedom and release,
If only I could soar with my broken wings,
If only people would cut the strings that’s tying up my wings,
If only I could mend my broken soul,
If only people could feel my soul,
If only I could juz be myself,
If only people would accept me for who I am,
If only people would love me for me,
If only I could forget my past,
If only people would forget my past,
If only everyone is forgetful for once…

Deprived of Sleep

2006-05-11T15:12:00.000+10:00

I can’t sleep again! I’m mentally and physically drained but I juz can’t sleep…AGAIN! Its not that I really can’t sleep, its juz that after I doze off, I’ll be awake after a couple of minutes, then I doze off again and the cycle goes on and on till about 6am! I dun want the pills cuz its juz not meant for long-term usage, feels that my life is in a wreck. Trying to divert my attention and energy to my studies, but juz can’t seem to concentrate. Heard that music therapy might help…I dunno…maybe jazz? I think “money” therapy would be better…wanna get a few new albums but dun feel like going out, the weather is too bloody hot and besides, I juz wanna shun away from everyone…need some peace now…dun wan anyone to be drilling my ear drums…juz gonna shut myself in my room and rot for now…only for now…I’ll pick things up somehow…won’t allow myself to slack for long…maybe juz for a while…

But anyway, was watching the naked chef after my lunch and Jamie was preparing an Indian feast for his buddies. Frankly speaking, I’ve never really liked Indian food, not because it dun taste good, its because I’ve got a sensitive nose and I can’t stop rubbing my nose if I’m surrounded with spices. Went into komala once and I stepped out the moment I got in, started to sneeze already! Besides, I like my veggies crunchy, and most Indian veggie dishes are kinda mushy. I am helpless when it comes to food, but I prefer simple stuff, I dun fancy really complex flavors that I can’t process, it will only musk away the natural taste of the food, dun like Indian or Malay curries cuz I can only taste the spices and nothing else, but I do haf a soft spot for Japanese curries cuz they use apples and bananas as a base, it gives the curries a sweet and fruity flavor which is light and refreshing, makes you yearn for more, it doesn’t use thick and rich coconut milk to enhance the taste which sometimes leaves an aftertaste that I extremely dislike, …usually I like simple cooking methods…you know, like steaming grilling etc its healthier, easy to prepare, taste great and best of all, little washing up and that’s the important part!

I dun have a sweet tooth and I dun snack, practically I have a healthy diet and eating habits, but I gotta surrender when it comes to ice cream, chocolates and doughnuts. Ever since I was a kid, it seems that these items have become my comfort food. My fridge used to be filled with raspberry and vanilla ice cream, but eventually double fudge chocolate and rum and raisins replaced it! I gotta watch those calories but I do hope that chocolates will stimulate more secretion of serotonins…gotta make myself feel better and good somehow.

Catching Up

2006-05-10T12:17:00.000+10:00

Kinda lost track of the entertainment scene cuz I was pretty depressed for the past few weeks. Not forgetting that once again I flunked my driving test! The next re-test is in July…another 2 more months! Great juz great! Now my PDL will be expiring and gotta extend my course with SSDC….F’them…all bloody money suckers!

Finally got some time and energy to do some catching up, thus I flipped thru some magazines and surfed a couple of websites and cable channels. I’m still depressed, ever so tired but what the heck, I need to find something to cheer myself up. Oh yea, was checking out Ashlee’s news earlier and it is confirmed, she’s got a nose job and gotta admit she definitely looks hot and better maybe even better than Jessica, previously it was all hearsay and speculations that will she do it or not? And yes, ashlee did it! But somehow I still prefer what mother nature has given us, but if a little surgery can help to boost ones confidence and feel better about themselves, I’m all for it. Maybe I need a boobs job too…nah…juz kidding…I wouldn’t mind a nose job though…The Da Vinci Code (Film) will be out on 14th May and I can’t wait to catch it, been quite some time since I’ve watched a movie in a theater, depressing huh..?! Ain’t got no life at all for the past 2 months! Was more into DVDs…anyway was trying to watch American pie and brokeback on my ibook, but it kept stalling and jump scenes / chapters… wonder waz wrong…faulty disc or something?

Caught the repeat telecast of the MTV Asia Awards and to my surprise… Stefanie Sun lost the fav artist award of Singapore to Taufik…OMG…! It is ridiculous cuz everyone noes Stefanie is no doubt the most successful export of Singapore…she’s hot in Taiwan, China…anywhere with Chinese…how could she lose?! Leehom was cool with his chink-out style of music for the opening and luv his thank you speech…did not forget his TW fanz…Daniel Powter was awesome performing on the piano, but could he so away with his beanie…it is getting on my nerves cuz its spring…juz take it off! I was pleasantly surprise by Lee Ryan and Tata Young’s duet, they had great chemistry, but seems a little muffled… Jolin expressed her thanks in English, which was refreshing, but guess that she’s trying too hard to perfect her American slang accent that backfired…ended up sounding bloody fake! Caught a glimpse of the red carpet on enews and the Bangkok’s fanz were very supportive of this major event…showed more enthusiasm and energy compared to the Singapore’s fanz when it was held here for 3 consecutive years.

New Chapter

2006-05-09T15:29:00.000+10:00

Finally another chapter of my life had ended and I’m trying to adjust myself to start afresh. Things did not turn out as I thought it would be but at least I feel better. Guess that I was really under too much stress and freaked out…did not have a good sleep for the past few weeks, yesterday was amazing as I slept through the night till about 5am, except that I woke up twice to pee, but then again I could not sleep after that. Still got lota things on my mind, but I’m trying to take things slow and easy. Dun wan to rush into anything till I’m completely sure of what I would like to do, yes I am absolutely tired but I still gotta do some planning now, hope to see some light somewhere or somehow. Although I ain’t got much choices left, but I’ll try to make the best outta it.

Learnt the Hard Way

2006-05-07T14:16:00.000+10:00

Things are getting senseless, meaningless and I feel that I’m misunderstood. I’ve lost all interest in everything and anything. Gotta admit that once again I’m broken into pieces and its gonna be hard to clear the mess this time. I think I’ve screwed up my paper and its gonna be tragic. I feel that I’m completely gone and a sense of emptiness and tiredness is engulfing me. I’ve always hated this feeling cuz I have no control over them and it juz makes me fall deeper and harder on the ground. I think I’m getting incoherent now…dunno what I’m typing…but I gotta move on isn’t it?

All New...I Hope

2006-05-06T16:17:00.000+10:00

New layout, fresh start, hope that all will fall in place...

My Temperament

2006-05-05T22:00:00.000+10:00

After a couple of tests, which I find it kinda accurate, I actually did more tests. The latest on is:

***You Have a Melancholic Temperament***
Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything – guess that I think and reflect too much and its causing me much distress!
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer.
You long for your ideal life – Australia Here I come!
You love silence and solitude – Not with such inconsiderate neighbours!
Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you – Tell me about it!
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times – Used to, but now I need help!
At your worst, you brood and sulk.
Your negative thoughts can trap you – I gotta break free form my cage!
You are reserved and withdrawn.
This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

OMG, how can I get myself outta this pile of mess?!
This is so far the best description of myself, so accurate that I scares the hell outta me!

Mental Torture

2006-05-04T23:11:00.000+10:00

I feel that it is such a mental torture to be working at my current workplace. I really and I do mean REALLY hate my job scope and the stuff that I do. For some reasons, I am kinda cash strapped for these few months and my earlier thoughts of quitting will have to be dropped I suppose. I dun wan to ask my family for help, as I would prefer to solve my own monetary problems. I wanna get outta my job and outta Singapore right now! Need someone or some place that know how to appreciate my effort and recognize my work. Tried out the five-factor test to see if I can deduce what sorta future I want and it is bloody accurate!

***Your Five Factor Personality Profile***

Extroversion:
You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:
You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:
You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:
You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Pills...

2006-05-03T15:18:00.000+10:00

Managed to fall asleep at around 3...not bad for a start, I think it was 3 cuz that was the last time I checked the time. Just had my driving revision in the morning and did ok for the circuit, but on the road need to drive faster, and check my blind spots...got a final revision tomorrow before my test on Friday, very nervous about it, dun wan to flunk it again. Gonna vet my assignment for the last time and see if I can beef it up, think that this is the worst assignment I've done, but I cannot concentrate on it, just pray that I'll get a pass grade. Got a Flag Day briefing tomorrow at 7pm, gonna burn another of my day. since there's not much of me...let it burn...let it end

Juz Luv CSI

2006-05-03T00:41:00.000+10:00

Seen a doc and got some sleeping pills, only to last me for 10 days, hope that things will get better, got a driving revision later in the morning, better pray that I dun haf any accidents cuz I’ve not been driving for the past 2 months, if I can get a nice sound sleep then that would be the best thing that can happen to me for the past 3 months. I am tired, but I juz can’t sleep, my heart is pumping hard for no whatsoever reasons, was watching CSI and suddenly felt tense , nervous and anxious…how I wish I was the one who’s murdered…then I dun haf to be bothered about this crazy world...

Must I Go On?!

2006-05-02T02:12:00.000+10:00

Was learning how to play 9 Balls earlier, needed to do something to get my mind off my work. It was pretty fun and I guess that I played pretty well for a beginner. Yeah was al little happier, managed to cracked a few jokes, look fine on the outside but then again…as usual, deep down inside…I’m already at bottom pit covered with shit. At the end of the day, I managed to churn out my assignment, but I dun think it is well done, will spend the net few days to make it better, hopefully I haf the time that is… I still haf not finish my office stuff…I think I need to see a doctor…can’t sleep at night, maybe some pills will help, I noe that I cannot depend on it in the long run, but at least I’m seeking help…I’m juz a miserable soul and I haf better see a doctor later after my work at 7pm….I can’t go on like this, recently I find that I’m losing a lot of hair…must be signs of stress…suddenly my appetite is extremely good, suddenly I dun feel like eating…I need a break and 3 days are juz not enough, I spent almost every minute of it on my assignment and I just spent another 3 hours trying to clear the stuff for FLAG DAY…I am indeed very tired now, but I juz cannot sleep…a few more hours and I gotta drag myself to office and start all over again. I tried to cry to vent some of my frustrations, but I juz could not, could only stare into the ceiling… in fact my eyes were so dry that I dun even tear when I yawnz…I cannot go on anymore…just cannot…I HATE MY F_ _ KING JOB!

Very Lost Indeed

2006-05-01T11:19:00.000+10:00

Did not managed to clear my office workload, my assignment and studies are nowhere near completion. My driving test is coming soon and that’s another thing that I’m completely losing sleep over. My family thinks that I’m the happiest person around, my friends see so much of energy in me that they are telling me that they feel energized?! Am I putting up such a good cover-up? The fact is that I’ve already got no mood and the energy to cry or even scream, it is so natural of me to be bubbly in front of people, but deep down, I feel like shit and many times I wonder if I know what I am doing. Do I understand myself? Who is exactly Charley? It seems scary that I’m beginning to have doubts in myself.

Looking Back...

2006-04-30T11:56:00.000+10:00

As I look back, my whole life seems to be in a mess. I cared too much about the people around me and at the end of the day; I’m the one who is miserable. Yet nobody knows that I feel terrible! Am I too good with all these play-acting and lip services? I’m not a hypocrite for sure, maybe I’m a little too diplomatic, it’s just that I dun open up to people about my innermost feelings, so does that mean that I’m a introvert freak? The irony thingy is that on the outside, I’ve the most extrovert lifestyle and character a person can ever will be! I’m a very simple person with simple needs, juz to be happy, unfortunately I belong to a complex world where the truth hurts. No amount of partying will help as far as I foresee. I’m beginning to distrust all the people around me. How I yearn that I can just sit in front of my computer for the whole day and not go out to absorb the messy situations / problems that come knocking on my door.

They look, but they dun see...I do

2006-04-29T19:54:00.000+10:00

As I look out my window this morning, I realized that it was so peaceful, until I heard my stupid neighbour screaming at dunno who. It was then I snapped back to reality that my life sucks. I’ve always gave my best in everything I did and I was confident that things will be great, but nowadays, my internal locus of control is telling me to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. I’ve changed or I guess that I am changing, for the best or for the worse, no one knows, I’m kinda confused too, no directions at all. How I wish I can just forget about all my work, family and moral commitments and take a break, otherwise I’ll be the one who will break. Been cursing my job for the past whole week...just got my paycheck and I did not felt better one bit...its only money...money's only paper and I personally dun give a damn about it! I desperately wanna understand myself more and hence I did another test about my inner soul and there seems to be some truth in it, everyone loves me and I got loads of things to hide:

***You Are a Dreaming Soul***
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Another darn thing that happened today was that I gotta redo my stupid assignment as our local tutor just got news from Australia that we need to use a REAL LIFE organization for analysis! The class was told to pick either a real org or juz cook something up...there goes my CHARLEY PIZZERIA!....shit now I gotta do my research again and no way will I be able to complete it on time with stuff piling up at my office!

Trying to convince myself

2006-04-29T02:13:00.000+10:00

Trying to convince myself why I luv my job...it is bloody near my home, near my home and near my home...anything else? Not that I can think of at this moment. Trying to convince myself that I luv my life...worse, can't think of any...someone save me from this... juz wanna scream, but nothing comes. I need a life…a life that just belongs to me which I haf the authority to dictate without having to care about consequences, others’ feelings, people’s views, family’s traditions, society’s stereotyping, moral beliefs and obligations… there are so many things that I wanna do with my life cuz I ain’t got another 20 years to waste…but I just can’t throw away everything now right? sigh…perhaps only in my dreams…yawnzzzZZZ got responsibilities, got reputation, got so many superficial stuff to maintain, but can’t deny the fact that everyone’s a hypocrite to a certain extend. I just wanna be myself, juz wanna be someone who is true to my own feelings and let it lead the way…is it really so difficult? I juz dun haf the courage to let myself go…getting tired…getting tired…

I NEED YOU!

2006-04-28T15:18:00.000+10:00

Just when I tot that things are fine and in order, disaster haf once struck me again. The donation tins were attacked by termites in the drivers' room! Shit! gotta redo so many tins and no volunteers...gotta churn out over 600 tins by next week! I'm getting sick of all these and I really dunno how much longer I'm gonna stick around. I need a change of environment, this is killing me and sucks big time. Thankfully its gonna be a long weekend break, but I've already pack my office stuff, gotta work on them over these few days, not forgetting my assignment and studies too. I noe that there are people who are worst off then me a million times, no opportunity for a proper education, outta job, no income, no friends or family, down with illness and a whole list of things...but I'm suffocating now. I agree that this is just a transition and adaptation period, but sometimes you just noe that its just not you to be doing certain things. I'm getting more depressed as each day pass by and it is not healthy....I got no reasons to lauf and all the sucky reasons to break down. I dun wan to look like as if I'm a irresponsible person...you know quitting just after a couple of months, but what other alternatives do I haf? I'm up to my neck with my school work and trust me, I've always been well known for my good time-management and drive to get things done...this time things just dun seem to be working out...even if I'm calling it quits, I guess that I'll still wait till the end of May to make a final decision...can someone just shoot me now...the distance between "Happiness" and me is getting bigger and bigger...come back to me baby! I need you!

Maybe I should be happy that I do feel something...sorrow, sadness etc, otherwise I would just be another walking dead college student who is struggling with work and studies right? Feels very empty... is it my life or is it my job that’s getting into me? Whatever…dun haf to energy to bother about the root of all these…just did some new personality test and it really freaked me out…guess that it’s kinda accurate this time:

***Your Quirk Factor: 76%***
You're so quirky; it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."– No wonder my sister always says that I’m warp in a gentle way? Dun really noe what she’s hinting anyway. I feel kinda normal…its others who are quirky I think…

***Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate***
You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great - Agreed
One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog – I’m kinda lazy actually
And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes – Well yea I guess
Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with – Absolutely, can’t imagine what my boss will think if she sees this!

***Your Inner Child Is Sad***
You're a very sensitive soul – Yea, true
You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have – Not exactly
Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone – I do haf a comfort zone…am I’m easily hurt…maybe, but I dun normally show it…people see me as strong, positive (oh God, I’m not positive, I’m just good with comforting words) and I dun wan to disappoint them…the last thing that I ever wanna do is to hurt the people around me, trust me, emotional torture is the worst treatment anyone can get. Dun wan people to worry about me, so I juz gotta hold on.
You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time – No doubt about it…not many people know the REAL me, perhaps not even my family fully understands me.

***Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 90%***
Your job is a disaster - it's surprising you've lasted this long – Its only 2 months?!
You need to quit if you can, even if you don't have another job lined up – I can’t stand doing nothing…
As far as stressful work situations go, yours is off the scale brutal – OMG!
Almost any job would be better than what you've got!

new layout pic

2006-04-28T00:12:00.000+10:00

juz changed the pic of the layout...hope that my life will glitter too...

Juz Gotta Learn to Let Go

2006-04-27T15:21:00.000+10:00

Great, just great, my service operations management exam will be on 20th Jun 2006. Just when I'm supposed to move to a new place, I’m not done with packing, not done with ANYTHING! What is going on with my life? I'm so overwhelmed with all these happenings and I can hardly catch my breath right now. I’m losing sleep these days and to top it off, I get really idiotic dreams! I noe that I need to stay positive, but whenever I try to get my life going, something else will happen...and blow it. I’m so buzi till I practically dun haf time to sit down and work on my assignment! Its gonna due soon and can't everyone see that I'm trying all I can to stay afloat and get things going on track?? its not that I need a shrink, its just that I dun know how much longer I can keep everything together, how much more I can take, how long I can suppress my feelings…gotta re-evaluate my threshold. How I wish I should just shrug if off, but I just dun seem to have the privilege. Need someone to remind me that I AM STRONG, I AM STRONG, CHARLEY IS STRONG! Need someone to remind me that I ENJOY MY “DOWN TIME”! Need someone to tell me that its OK to just let GO!

Run Charley...Run!

2006-04-26T15:21:00.000+10:00

Mood: Moody lor..what else?
Listening: Wake Up – Hilary Duff (On the radio…)
Did not really have the time to post, but juz need a channel to get things off my chest. Things seem “exciting” today, way to “exciting” and depressing. Nothing went right today…sigh...I even dropped my favourite ring into the drain along Blk 98.... dun wanna tok abt it anymore, juz so shitty. Been having weird dreams for the past 2 nights, normally I dun remember my dreams but surprisingly, the dreams that I had all seem so vivid. The first dream…I was busy cooking dunno what in an awesome kitchen with a huge fridge and loads of hi-tech gadgets, and the next moment I was in a car driving along the highway…dun look like Singapore, the road seems long and never ending, then I pull over at hotdog stall and bought a bag full of hotdogs. My mother was at the service counter taking my order in Perfect British accent English…and then I drove off with a humongous bag of food…yikes! The second dream…I was in my living room watching a basketball match on tele and suddenly I ran literately “through” the door and down the stairs, I ran and ran and ran and ran till I see a purple colored pond, I look into the pond and saw my own reflections, I wasn’t smiling at myself, in fact I was frowning and my hand tried to reach out from the pond to feel my face. It was getting eerie as I’ve never took such a good look of myself…at least I look great…Juz then, I look up trying to avoid eye contact with myself, I was in a desert…no one was there…all I saw was sand and feeling tired, I sat down…the sand was hot and scorched my butt…then I woke up…needed the loo…still wondering what happened to me in the dream…

Push On Charley!

2006-04-25T15:18:00.000+10:00

Mood: huh? Waz mood? Very stoned now…
Gotta get back to old Charley…full of determination, wacky ideas and push on, that’s the old bubbly Charley which everyone knw few years back…but I do hate myself for what I did 2 years ago, everyone been telling me that it wasn’t my fault that things turn out this way, I was just not in control of many things…but somehow till now I still feel responsible for this series of sorrows, bitterness and resentment that’s revolving around me. It will always leave a mark in my life that can never be erased.

Yes, other people always tell me that I’m fun to hang out with, got a meaningful job, outgoing, never a moment of dullness, loyal, fair play, open-minded, crazy, extremely funny…yada yada yada, but I do have a personality where I dun really open up to someone easily, unless I really trust that person, got loads of friends to hang out with but few to share… but been telling myself for the past 2 years to have faith in the people around me…hopefully that people will have faith in me too…somehow I’ll change I suppose…for the better. I’ve learnt a great deal after what I’ve been through 2 years back, I won’t let history repeat itself coz I’ve lost too many things and people which I once treasured dearly. Its not going to be an easy journey for me but I’ll do all I can to put the past behind…if I fail and fall, hope that there will be someone to catch hold of me…Ok fine…but I’m still bitchy and I won’t change it coz I know others love me for it.

I Won't Cry...

2006-04-24T15:18:00.000+10:00

Mood: ok…mentally drained that’s all…
Listening: Put ur records on
Life destruction progress: working on my assignment right now, came up with a fictitious organization with loads of operational problems…I called it “Charley’s Pizzeria”. Always loved Italian food, loved pizzas, pasta, u name it, I love it…as long as its Italian! Was reading the LIFE section of the Sunday’s Times and would like to sink my teeth in one of those $101 burgers! Looks awesome and got hungry juz by reading the reviews of it…according to the food critic, succulent, juicy, tender cannot be used to describe the texture and taste…it is far more than that…darn…he’s one lucky chap!

Got 3 more weeks to go before my nightmare arrives…the Flag Day, something in my mind keeps telling me that something will go wrong…and I strongly believe it will…I got my own private and personal needs and things to work out…been struggling to find answers to questions that had been bugging me for years, yet I can’t get my mind off my job. I’m not totally a workaholic…a perfectionist to be exact…there are times where I would like to juz follow my heart but there are far too many consequences to bear and I dun think I can handle it.

I desperately need a sensitive listener who understands the situation that I’m in and how important everything means to me and hopefully I dun screw my life up again with decisions that I’m gonna regret, oh God…where is that person? I dun want to make any more stupid mistakes in my life, I had a hard time pulling myself together…I know that if I fall apart again, I dun think I’ll haf what it take to pick things up again…totally shattered to a million pieces…but I can’t trust the advice that I’m getting from some people…what shall I do?!

Reflections...No Pain No Gain??

2006-04-22T21:54:00.000+10:00

Awww, my assignment is a killer! I really need coffee for the next few hours or even days! So many things to cover and I can't decide on the organization that I would like to report on, an education institute or the hotel industry? Have the urge to cover those 10 min / 10 Dollars haircut shop too, which shall I choose? Wanted to work on Mc Donald's but a couple of my classmates already chose it, Darn.... already got myself a haircut, seems a little too short, sigh...but no worries, it will grow somehow...I hope?! Now I look like 5 years younger, juz like when I was a teen….hahaha! Frankly speaking, I’m really busy and ain't got no time to do anything. I gotta be “ruthless” and start saying NO to household chores, NO to partying and yada, yada yada…hope my mom and friends doesn’t kill me!

Will make it a point to settle my assignment by Monday... starting from today, will vet the minutes on later at night, work on my self-performance evaluation on Sun...What should I write and comment? Dun wan to blow my own trumpet, yet dun wan to be too humble.... decisions decisions decisions...better settle my assignment first, the rest will juz haf to wait.... my to-do list is getting longer.... already hit number 17 Aaarrgghhhh! But I'll still squeezzzeee some time to watch CSI on AXN...dun wanna missss it...

Was organizing my thoughts earlier, was it wise for me to move from the private sector to work in a charitable organization? Life is already very challenging for me to juggle between my studies I could jolly well get a better paid and challenging job, then again, after some dramatic events 2 years back, I’m a changed person, I’m no longer going after transient stuff and I’ve learnt to treasure the things and people around me…although I’m still bitchy and at times, I realized that I would wanna do something meaningful for the community. I started off with passion and fire in my eyes, but after almost 2 months, my enthusiasm is slowly fading away. I've always treated the less fortunate with dignity and try to help them out wherever I can, but sad to say, there will always be a group of them who will try to use their disabilities to their advantage. Kinda disillusion now, need to set my priorities right and move on with my life, gimme some time to mull over…can something prove me wrong?!

next few dayz

2006-04-22T12:58:00.000+10:00

gonna be really buzi for the next few days, won't be posting so regulary, but will be posting pics...like they always say....a picture speaks a thousand words right?! anyway... been a long long time since I went to kbox, gonna make some plans soon. Can someone pass me the mic?

Yo! It's Friday!

2006-04-21T18:46:00.000+10:00

So glad that it's Friday and looking forward to Sat! Can finally work on my assignments and watch a movie and spend some time with my family, cannot be hanging out with my friends all the time. Was surfing and checked out my daily Star Sign...and it says:

"You may have trouble balancing what you want with what you need; take things more slowly and in a more relaxed manner than usual"

Hmmm so I should relaz and chill out? Nah, not in the mood, actually feel a little stoned and blur, my mind is not functioning properly, got low concentration level today...yawnzZZ. I dun need sleep, I juz need something else but I dunno what I need, work is pretty much the same everyday. I need something to perk me up, can't be working on the same things for 8 hours can I? Bought a couple of albums and kinda like clickfive, btw they were in Singapore a few days back on a promotional tour, too bad they're attached...I'm a huge fan of Ashlee Simpson, Kelly Clarkson, Avril, Stef sun ... like artists with unique vocals...was watching MTVCHI the other day and gosh...Korea's hottest hunk, Rain was on it! Performing right in MTV's Open Studio at Madison Square! Gotta do us Asians Proud! But he had better do something about his English....

New Layout!

2006-04-20T23:56:00.000+10:00

Mood: Great!
Listening: First Day
Progress: Finished with the new layout, assignment progress is not going well, need to vet the minutes, gotta fill up my appraisal form and endless things to be done at the office, such a drag:( Need to find some time to unwind coz the Flag Day is getting into me, dread going to work nowadays. But anyway, juz got a new layout! It is simple and and Fruity indeed - We make a good Pear duncha think? Although I’m not going anywhere this weekend, but I juz gotta get a haircut and trim my brows, beginning to look like Einstein! Perhaps a movie will give me some inspirations and get me motivated, maybe HOSTEL will do the trick…I’m such a sadist! Juz kidding, I guess Ice Age 2 is better, gotta work on my inner child soul.

Gotta Find Someone to Remind Me That I Should Strive to Become:
Someone who sees like a child,
Gives like a saint,
Feels like an angel, never mind the broken wings and
Speaks like a picture,
Cries like the rain,
Shines like the stars,
As long as the fire remains…By stef sun (love this Grrl...Do SG Proud ok:)

When will it be Friday?

2006-04-20T15:19:00.000+10:00

Mood: Down, Down, Down
Listening: Hips Dun Lie
Current Study / Work Load: Procastinating my assignment / Done with the minutes, but still got the shity Flag Day

One more day to go before it is Friday, seems to take forever, already called off all of my weekends appointments as I juz gotta sit down and seriously work on my assignment. Need to submit my Leave form for May as I got my driving test scheduled then, but been really buzi with the Flag Day thingy, dunno if it will be approved, sigh...Anyway, it seems that al lot of my office stationery have gone missing! Whoever took them had better own up or return them to my table soon, my correction fluid, colored pens arrggghhhh! Will be working on the allocation of donation tins and collection points later. Huge logistics problems, hope that I'll be able to work it out later, cannot afford to screw it up. But then again, I'm not really bothered about it even if things dun turn out well, this will give me the motivation quit and look for other opportunities Yeah!

My boss will be working on my performance appraisal before she leaves the organization, most probably that I will get an early confirmation of my employment before the end of May, this means that if I would like to quit my job, I gotta give a 1-mth notice...wonder if it is good or bad news for me? My Monash examinations dates will be released on the 24th April and most likely it will be scheduled in June. So much happenings in May/June, not forgetting that my birthday is on 1st June! Got another excuse to get myself wasted hahaha!

Sometimes I wonder why am I working so hard, trying to juggle both my studies and work, I could jolly well become a full-time student and devote all my time to my studies in the first place, but even if I'm in Australia now, chances are that I should be working part-time to earn some extra bucks too...then it makes no diff if that's the case. Anyway, dun really have time for regrets, since I'm already in this situation, I might as well make the best out of it and enjoy! Getting tired of this current layout, gonna change it soon, maybe later in the next couple of hours. Stay tuned you people out there.... would like to keep it simple without so many columns, suddenly like to have a clear and Zen feel, gotta go now, off to my office!

I've got rainbow socks!

2006-04-19T15:22:00.000+10:00

Mood: Miraculously Good but Sian
Listening: Nothing
Current Study / Work Load: Churning out the outline of my assignment / Churning out the minutes

Maybe it's because of the coffee that I feel exceptionally happy today, or perhaps I had enough of my beauty sleep. Things dun look good for the Flag Day, but I am taking it easy coz I realized that certain things juz cannot be rushed. Being proactive in this case is not working, so I shall slack...hahaha! Already sent out the quotations for mineral water and certificates of appreciation and still trying to get more students. Was looking in the mirror earlier, geezzz, my hair is getting longer and my friends are insisting that I should rebond my hair! Actually I'm comfortable with my locks, it is soft but looks fizzy that's all...I repeat fuzzy with style. Never like the idea of having totally straight hair as its juz not me. Always cannot forget the things that others say about Chinese with natural curls...nothing good:
1. Cunning
2. Sly
3. Dishonest
4. Crafty
5. Back-Stabber
6. Story tellers
7. EVIL
8. Traitor
9. Bitchy

And the list goes on, ok fine I admit it, I am Evil coz the personality test that I took says so:
***You Are 60% Evil***
You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

60%...hmmm, I'm not that Evil afterall...I am bitchy with a good heart and soul, does it make it any better?

Awww...it's only Tuesday?!

2006-04-18T15:20:00.000+10:00

Mood: Finicky, so dun step on my toes! Dun wanna pick on anyone right now.
Listening: Now that she's gone-JJ (my ipod)
Current Status: Juz started with my assignment, still got loads of crapy things to be done in the office...

Yesterday's meeting ended around 9pm. So bloody tired and gotta churn out the minutes soon. Luckily I recorded it down, but the batt went flat when it was abt to end...juz not my day! Not in a really good mood today but still considered ok. Oh btw, 2 social workers from my organization had left and dunno who will replace them, not to mention I dun even noe who will be replacing my boss! No news or interviews conducted at all, hate these hush hush policies! Less than 2 weeks and there's no signs of any proper handing over to the new person...whoever he/she is?! In other words, if anything goes wrong, fingers will be pointed at yours truly, ME! This is so sucky! Forget abt this, right now my main concern is my driving test! Seems to be so difficult to get the license the first time round in Singapore! Not forgetting that it is SO BLOODY EXPENSIVE to learn from the driving centres! Gotta pass it this time or I'm gonna kick someone's ass. Ewwee, seems that I'm swearing a little too much these days...but that's me...hahaha! Now lets see, generally these are the common...AHEM "phrases" that I use, here's my top 11 in no particular order:
1. So Bloody __________ (expensive, funny, stupid etc)
2. Flipped / Freaked out or This is so f_ _ _ up! (errrr...on rare occasions only)
3. Oh shit!
4. Stop Bitching around, we're late!
5. Dun bet on it! Or Dun even dream!
6. You've / Dun screwed it up!
7. OMG!
8. Whatever!
9. So Sucky! Or This sucks! Or You Suck!
10. No worries, gotcha covered!
11. Love ya! Bye!

Ewww! Meetings...

2006-04-17T15:20:00.000+10:00

Mood: Cranky (got a meeting at 6.45pm to 9.00pm later...gotta take the minutes too...yawnz... boring and dumb)
Listening: Summer Sunshine-The Corrs (On Class95)
Assignment/s Due: 8th May, Service Operations Management Report (gonna cover fluctuations in demand / supply of services, underutilize of resources...and as usual, recommendations and rationale to improve service capacity) Got abt 3 weeks to work on it, but in reality, I ain't got no time coz my driving test is on the 5th, got 2 driving revisions lined up on 3rd & 4th...my boss is leaving on the 5th...gotta handle Flag Day preparations all by myself and gotta brave the storm for the actual Flag Day on 13th...OMG! My schedule so lame and screwed up! Gotta pray more!

Been surfing the web for information on MBA and Master Programmes. As I've one more semester to go before I complete my degree, guess that it's about time for me to explore my options and make some decisions regarding my future. I've always believed that there's no end to learning and now I'm stuck with a couple of choices...after I graduate should I: Quit my current job and look for something else...the longer I'm with this place, the more I realized that I'm not cut out to work in a non-profit charitable organization, perhaps it is due to my age as I would like to widen my horizon…see and learn more, rather than being stuck with a routine job till my prime is over...although it is for a good cause...but maybe juz not now...till I get some grey hair first...another 21 years perhaps...Secondly, I can choose to do my 4th year in psychology with Monash, which I'm kinda keen or...Thirdly, I shall take up a MBA or a Master majoring in Marketing etc.

Eventually I would like to give teaching another shot or do something for the community (but not like my current job though) or venture into PR or Marketing. Things are still kinda hazy but the main structure has taken its form. These programmes caught my attention and most probably I'll enroll into one of them when the time comes:

Conducted by MDIS
Edith Cowan University, Western Australia
Master of Business Administration (International)

Southern Cross University, Australia
Master of Business Administration

Conducted by APMI
Executive Master of Business Administration (EMBA)
Southern Illinois University, Carbondale

Master of Business Administration-Hull
University of Hull

Master of Science (Marketing)
National University of Ireland, University College Dublin
(Wonder what's the ranking of the university, but it is reasonably affordable)

Conducted by Hartford Institute
Master of Marketing
University of Newcastle, Australia

Most of them can be completed within 15-18 months and the fees are ranging from 16K to 24K, which is well within my budget. Any suggestion as to which is better? Personally I prefer the ones from Edith Cowan and Newcastle (as long as they’re from Australia...I juz haf a soft spot for Australia). In terms of affordability, the one from National University of Ireland is the cheapest at 16K...The EMBA is also pretty cool, but got loads of accounting modules...I suck at math remember...I'm also checking out the courses offered by SMA as it seems that they've got Murdoch under their list...but anyway, I guess that tourism / hospitality will be the next big thingy with the IR projects going on...ACPE has a couple of IR related MBA programmes with major in casino management, but dunno if it is accredited or awarded by which institute, I think it is from Macau Uni or something...

My friends also suggested that if I'm really keen to do my MBA, I should juz stick to this current predictable job and buy some time till I complete my MBA...in other words-stick to a job which I can slack openly...hmmm... 6 more months to think it over...used to haf a lot of ideas and planned a lot, but somehow things juz dun develop the way I want it too and eventually I juz gave up making plans...hahaha! But now is not a time for jokes or anything, this is gonna shape my future, my career and everything! From the obedient kid to the stoned geek to the messed up me...finally I managed to get my life back on track after 2 years of drama...no way will I let anything or anyone screw it up!

juz had lunch...

2006-04-16T15:34:00.000+10:00

Juz had lunch and read this article from a christian webby... about "My Blessed Marriage." Sometimes I wonder...will I get married one day? After all I'm still young. It's not that I'm totally against the idea but sometimes when I look at the guys that come along my way, I feel like digging a hole and burry them in it! Times have changed and I just can't stand the way some guys are behaving in the public. Whenever I'm taking public transport, there's bound to be some guys digging their nose or ear...ok that's fine...I can just choose to close my eyes, but after happily digging, is it necessary to sniff the "used" finger/s?! So bloody disgusting! The probability of seeing a woman doing it is definitely much much lower and I'm not talking about the older generation...these are real life teens and young-middle aged MALE adults!

That's not all, I even saw an old granny standing in the subway beside me with trembling arms and legs, and no single soul offered to give up their seats to her. There were 2 guys seated right in front of us. In my opinion, I felt that one was pretending to be reading the papers and the other was trying to burst his own eardrums with his ipod (forgive me, I luv ipod too). Either they are blind or they are deaf...I had the urge to shout at them but my anger mellowed down as I had reached my stop...maybe I should had done it...HELLO...WE'VE GOT A SENIOR CITIZEN HERE WHO NEEDS A SEAT! Oh my, where's the basic social etiquette that a person with a sound mind should have? I'm not even talking about being a gentleman ok...sometimes when I speak with some egocentric guys, I really feel like punching them in the nose as all the stuff that they are discussing are so self-centered, immediately it would display their narrow-mindedness and sometimes to me they seems so darn himboic...it makes me wonder what happened to their brain while their biceps developed, or did they had one to begin in the first place...maybe there are some good guys out there, but give them a couple of years more and who knows, they might turn out to be even greater terrors! ... after this blog entry, it seems that it has attested my beliefs that most guys (not all guys...) are simply far too disgusting and behaves like a moron in public...one word - Himbo!

Finally it's Sunday!

2006-04-16T10:14:00.000+10:00

Dammit! my mobile went flat and I accidentally scratched it while I was at the gym. But then again, at least I've got a good excuse not to answer any irritating phone calls. Yesterday was an uneventful day, and to tell the truth, I actually liked it. My life was a little bumpy for the past few years, sometimes I really appreciate a moment of silence, where there's no nuisance cold calls, no beeping sms, no screaming children at restaurants or markets, no squabbling couples walking past me, no classmates asking me for tutorial answers, no colleagues discussing what was on TV the other night ...I used to be a very aggressive person but that’s because the people around me always seem to be biting my head off, but I toned it down ever since 2 years back. Even I don't know what got into me that resulted in such a change. My words used to be destructive at times, but now I'm very accommodating most of the time - depending on situations. Guess that I've developed spiritually and in a positive manner. I sincerely hoped so; otherwise it would only mean that I've been bottling up all my frustrations for the past 2 years. Maybe I should go around telling people "Hey! Watch out you people out there, I'm a walking time bomb!" hahaha!

Been really buzi for the past week and gotta report for work tomorrow, the thought of it is killing me, not really happy with my job and the things that I'm doing, but hey, juz gotta keep telling myself that I HATE MY JOB BUT I LUV PAYDAY!

I just love Sundays coz it is the only time that I can devote my time to do things that I like, and the only time that I can laze around in the house in the morning. In short, it is the only 24 hrs that I'm not in the world's stupid rat race. The only 24 hrs that I am Me (Gosh...I juz luv ashlee simpson). The only 24 hrs, which I feel that I'm alive. The only 24 hrs that I can let my thoughts run wild. YEAH! I'm gonna munch on badly burnt toast, chow down a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, change the beddings of my hamster, head for the gym, read a book and stuff like that, purely for leisure purposes. What can I say...seems kinda simple...I love Sundays! But anyway, just got a paper cut! Now the wound on my palm feels so itchy. Been reading up my books and trying to compile a set of "all-in-one" notes for my class. Started off by copying and writing, but ended up typing them out instead as I could type faster than writing. I was suppose to clean up my room but was just too busy reading. Once I start reading, I can't stop, wonder if this is a good habit. At least I managed to get a good workout at the gym. Surprisingly it was not crowded on a Saturday, hope that every weekend will be the same.

Milk and cookies - yawnzZZZ

2006-04-15T12:23:00.000+10:00

The one thing in my life that no matter what I do - cannot improve the bloody situation...and that is, I'm a light-sleeper and I do mean VERY. My sense of hearing tends to become very sensitive at night and especially when it comes to bedtime. A little nudge or creeping footsteps never fails to drag me back from dreamland. It came to a point that I could not even endure the sound of the ticking seconds-hand clock. That's why I started to use my mobile as my alarm clock ever since I got one during my school days. It really bothers me that it seems like I'm the only one in the family to have a "sleeping disorder". Everyone in my family would be sleeping like a baby while on the other hand; my eyes would be wide open staring into the ceiling. yawnzzz...Do milk and cookies help?! back to my books for now...BTW did another online personality test, what can I say, I'm a sucker when it comes to these:

***How You Live Your Life***

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside - oh yea, true!
You are always tactful and diplomatic - should I run for elections? hahaha!
You let people down gently - most of the time
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly - nah, still hanging with dorks!
You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them - ooww, I like the sound of this!

253, keep it up!

2006-04-14T11:42:00.000+10:00

Oh my, can't imagine that over 200 people actually visited my blog.... cant imagine that Ive been posting consistently for the past week.... will keep it up and hopefully more people will drop by for a visit...anyway, had a long and tiring week! Will head for the gym tomorrow after my class. Next week will be a busy week for me, as I'll have to work on the 2006 Flag Day event. Loads of logistics and correspondence to do, but then again it is for a good course, no complains. I'll be packing my room too as things are piling up and I just can't find the stuff I need. Missing CDs, missing notes, missing software drivers, all in a pile of mess. Wondered how I managed to survive till today. At least my mother will be pleased to see me clearing some of my things.

It was drizzling in the morning and now, it is so warm and humid. Ive been perspiring the whole day and finally I am so glad that I am in the comfort of my little air-conditioned room. Just went for my routine medical check-up today and all seems pretty good, negative blood sugar and albumin, but the whole report will take 4 days to process. Gotta wait till then to announce that I am HEALTHY! Unfortunately, Ive gained approximately 1kg! I cannot get flabby, got to shed that extra kilo! The good thing is that I have a normal BMI! I must have ate too much during the New Year and now, I am reaping the consequences. Most of my friends are at 40+kg with a 1.6m body frame. Yikes! According to the Asia's BMI chart, they are under weight! But that's life, it is the "IN" thing to be as skinny as a pack of bones. Why do women care so much about their weight? Beats me?! I guess that it's an inborn thing and I am proud to be part of it! Let's Get Slim & Fight the Flab! Just side track a little to recap what I did yesterday....Errrr nothing much, what did I do? Lets see, did a little shopping and bought a pair of new jeans and a couple of t-shirts. Was trying to connect my Bluetooth headset to my phone, but somehow it is still on strike! It was working fine but since yesterday, it got cranky, sigh.

Happy Easter!

2006-04-13T20:37:00.000+10:00

Really looking forward to the long weekend - 3 days of break from the office! Many things are piling up now and no matter how I try to clear my work, the list juz seems to be endless...OMG! Hope that I'll be able to recharge myself. But gotta a class on Sat, so lame!

Met an old classmate yesterday, the last time I saw her was about 5-6 years ago! She even told me that some of our classmates got married, OMG..OMG, really amazing to find people getting married in their early 20s. Then I went home to flip through my Year Book and can't believe what I saw, YES, gotta admit that I was kinda nerdy during my secondary school days, was pretty active as a student councillor and as the Head Librarian...only started to get a little bitchy when I was in Poly...maybe was juz a little too too too bitchy....but never an Ah-Lian ok...perhaps I should had opt for JC instead, otherwise I would not haf lost contact with so many of my friends....but taking into consideration that my numerical ability sucks, dun even noe how I managed to pass my mathematics all these while?! Eventually I settled for a poly education even with my parents disapproval... those were the days when I was a nerd, a female geek and forever in a daze when it comes to relationships, but it was fun and most importantly, part of me!

My hair is a mess even when it's straight!

2006-04-12T21:25:00.000+10:00

Finally the pre-sale at NUS ended without much hiccups, thank GOD! Was out there till about 4pm, by the time I got back to office, my hair was already in a mess. As I've got natural curls, my hair is always in a mess even when it is straight! But somehow it will look kinda stylish...hehehe:) oh yea, just finished reading up my notes on service operations management. This subject is kinda lame as it involves far too much common sense; not getting any kick from this module at all. I definitely would prefer something more challenging. Perhaps I should have taken up counselling instead like some of my course mates; after all it is an elective. But it is too late to do anything now; at least it will be comforting to know that I'll surely score for this module.

my whole house seems so quite and empty todae, my dad is busy surfing channels and my mom is forever cleaning here and there. When I get old, I would really appreciate it if I could just enjoy the simpler things in life, like enjoying a cuppa mocha at a cafe, taking a stroll at the beach (personally I love to go to the beach in the evening, everything seems so right in the evening, no disturbance, just the sea, sand and me, errrr sounds kinda sensual, but never mind), watching the sun set, cooking for the people you love, you know stuff like that which are sweet and emotionally comforting. I would be really miserable if I were to go on working in a dog-eat dog world till I am over 60. But then again, I gotta be practical at least for the next 20-30 years, gonna work real hard for my early retirement plan hehehe!

Beautiful Pain

2006-04-11T21:45:00.000+10:00

Just took a shower and now I am here, stuck with my computer, life is getting pretty stagnant nowadays, busy with my assignments, busy studying, loaded with undone paperwork at the office, hanging out with people who thinks they are cool, but to me they are dorks…think that it is a mutual feeling, but who cares. There are times that I wonder, when I reach my mid-age crisis, will I become a grumpy, cocky, think I know everything under the sun, egoistic bloody fool? I sure hope not! I am getting negative about life these days, gotta snap outta it, dun wanna dwell too much into the unfairness, injustice, back-stabbing of life. This is already such a lame and idiotic world, why not try to be happier and cool about it. Yup, that is what I am gonna do, I had better hypnotize myself now or else I am gonna blow my top at someone soon, such a sucky feeling, dammit!

All of a sudden I have the urge get away from the bustling city lights...I'm not trying to run away from reality, but maybe just a break, all the nature and greenery has this subliminal effect on me which is saying - come to me - come to me, awww...I gotta get a life somehow.

As I was saying, I am currently really busy preparing the stuff for Flag Day. Appeal letters to various tertiary institutions were sent out long ago asking for permission to sell flags at their esteem institute, however only one particular poly responded positively. As for the rest, most of them hem and haw; hinting that it might be inconvenient for them to do so. No hard feelings on my part, but I just felt kinda disappointed as it is all for a good cause and after all, shouldn't educators do a part for the society by helping to raise the awareness of the needy. Personally I find that institutes are a great way to get the future leaders of the country to be involved in charity work. Enough of these depressing issues, let's move on to something else, recently I just bought a number of DVDs and will be watching it with my friends over the weekend at my place, hope that my mom dun find us too noisy hahahaha...I'm keeping my fingers crossed till then.

Here we go again!

2006-04-10T21:14:00.000+10:00

Ohhh shucks, once again I am suffering from Monday's Blues, I am in a really bad mood right now and I dun know hell why?! Always had to urge to call in sick on Monday, but eventually still went to school and work. What to do, got to keep up with my goodie good Brady image. Was always labelled as a good and helpful student, and right now, a diligent employee and always on the ball, luckily no colleges had seen me partying and going crazy...they cannot handle it hahaha! Although I am not really into labels, sad to say somehow people do have a stereotype mind-set when it comes to judging people, from skin colour to family background to academic achievements to sexual orientations. It is typical in Singapore to find people judging others based on the schools they came from e.g. students from "good" schools are the cream of the crop and no way will they make mistakes in their life yada yada yada, enough of all these bull.

Right now I desperately need some sort of stimulant to keep me awake and hopefully happier, maybe I will get myself a cuppa coffee later, espresso gotta work or else?! My eyelids are getting heavier as I am typing right, yawnzzzz. Oh BTW, was watching Miss Singapore yesterday and I was "Amazed" by the answers during the Q&A session, the questions were hilarious and I am not surprise to find questions on our very own Paris Hilton - Tammy and why local men sucks...errmmm I meant not as desirable... apparently the girls just could not find a good reason to support that local men are more if not as desirable as foreigners...one even said that as long as they are guys, it makes no difference...OMG...it does ok! Now I know why so many local women are not getting married or even switched sides....hahaha - juz kidding! Some could not even comprehend the questions, yet the contestants were touted to be the brainiest batch of all, maybe they were a little jumpy as it was a live telecast and with all those skimpy clothes...I dun knw, but anyway since it is over, who cares as long as we have got someone to represent SG in LA LA Land! Here we go!

Really got tons of stuff to clear for my job and will be heading to NUS for a pre-flag day sale on 12 April 2006. It is gonna be my first sorta event and hope that all things go well. Basically it is quite straight forward, but there are many itsy bitsy thingy to pay attention too and coordination between different divisions e.g transportation, volunteers and PR. somehow I juz haf the feeling that something will go wrong somewhere. Hope that I am wrong. Gotta be prepared for Easter Sunday and gonna stock up my supply of peeps!

Rise & Shine

2006-04-09T13:18:00.000+10:00

Had wanted to sleep in late today, but somehow automatically I just woke up at 8 sharp. Even right now I am dozing off my computer screen, but the moment I lie down, my eyes are wide open. Really hate this feeling! Got to run some errands later and need to reschedule some of my appointments, busy as a bee. Really wish that I could have some time to sit down and plan my future, e.g. what I would like to do after graduation, where am I heading, my directions, spiritual enhancement, am I straight, bi or gay (juz kidding!)and the list goes on and on and on...yawnz..... Geezz, guess that itz too early in the morning to think about these. But anyway, did not catch much tele for the past week, was busy doing prior reading before my classes. Speaking of that, it seems that the passing rate for service operation management was quite low for the cohort who took it last semester. The feedback that I got was that the lecturer sucks and kept going out of context. The focus was off the major objectives. After my first lesson, I totally agree and the worst part is that the lecturer actually ended the class 1 hour earlier! I am definitely not buying this and the last thing I heard that students will be taking some actions, like filing their grievances or something like that, all that I can do is to wish the lecturer good luck!

The Keys to My Heart

2006-04-08T13:03:00.000+10:00

Hhmmm, dun haf to work today, but got a class at 1.30pm...I was doing some online personality tests at blogthings. Personally, I am a sucker for all these little personality tests, not forgetting I am a psychology student. Although theres not much of accuracy or literature to support these online thingy, its all for fun…be cool. Gonna do another test now…hehehe! Oh and here are the results for ***The Keys to Your Heart***

You are attracted to those who have a split personality: cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart: hey, just like me!
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored: not really, I am usually the more creative one
You would like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you will never change: yup I am loyal and faithful, but I dun believe in everlasting love, just look at the rate of splitting, after all, the only constant thing around is change
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please: quite true
Your ideal relationship is comforting: maybe friends are a better choice?!
You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love: I think it applies to all
Your risk of cheating is zero: whhooaa, I am flattered!
You care about society and morality: yeah, that explains my closet full of skeletons!
You would never break a commitment: really hope so!
You think of marriage as something precious: absolutely!
You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred: ermm, never tot of getting married at the first place
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for: oh please…being single is the thing for me right now
You will do anything for love, but you will not fall for it easily: perhaps, maybe, who knws?

New Layout!

2006-04-08T00:04:00.000+10:00

Just had my dinner and changed the layout! Cool minty green, I've also added a couple of new sections...like - what i'm listening & watching now, bits and pieces of my profile...yada yada yada....oh btw photos are coming...got some really funny ones! till then...good nite and tata:)

Who is Charley Yee? Beats me?!

2006-04-07T15:35:00.000+10:00

Was sorting my photos yesterday and found loads of funny and embarrassing pictures, made a few banners with the photos and will be using them to promote my blog! Hope that you guys won't get sick of my face, even if you do, I'm not sorry about..hehehe. Dun really have the time to jazz up the layout, juz gotta bear with this for a while, I'll beef it up over the weekend; a new layout and music perhaps. Some people actually dropped me a msg to ask if charley yee is my "real" name, well...yeah and nope. The story goes like this, according to my parents, my name was supposed to be charlotte, but eventually settled for a shorter name instead as it was too long (plus dialect name) to be put on my Birth Cert - just take a look at my sister's FULL name and I can understand why they made such a decision. Thus all along, people who are close to me would call me charley. When I was little, I was a huge fan of The Peanuts and all the more people had the reason to call me charley - as in Charlie Brown...get it?! Luckily no one called me Snoops! As for yee, it's not my surname, it is my dialect name. I've always remember that when I was young, my mom would scream from the kitchen "AH YEEEEE, time for dinner!" or time for_________. Till now, she's still doing it...oh yeah, that's my mom! Finally, that's the history of my not so secret blogging ID - CHARLEY YEE! Gotta go now, but I'll be back...Ciao!

Home for Lunch = Comforting

2006-04-06T15:29:00.000+10:00

As my workplace is a mere 3 min walk from my crib, and here I am, right in the comfort of my home. Just had lunch and still got time to spare for surfing. Will be sorting out my photos so that I can post them here, got tons of goofy shots of myself...Half a day had gone and nothing much really happened. Will be going to the airport later to pick up the donation boxes and head back to office. Got a lot of things on my hand right now, busy with the Flag Day, hope to get more students volunteers for the event, but sad to say, till now, I've got rejected by 6 schools as they expressed that their students will be having their mid-year examinations. Guess that it’s a case of bad timing this time round. Right now, I've got no sponsors for drinks and my only last hope - YHS just sent in a rejection letter. Arrrrggggghhh!

I am really NEW to all these fund raising thingy as all of my previous work experiences are related to education - teacher, course consultant etc... Decided to work for a charitable organization as I have a feeling that this is my calling....I'm doing all I can to get the hang of it, hopefully things will run smoothly for me as I dun wish to screw things up no matter what. Not to mention that my boss is leaving the organization for a better offer just before Flag Day, I'm feeling a little jumpy about the whole event, seems to have an endless list of things to be done. I'm praying that things will work out eventually.

I've scheduled my 2nd driving test in May and I'm really nervous, it actually clashes with one of the days which I'm suppose the conduct pre-flag day sales at various tertiary institutes. It was really difficult for me to get the dates at SSDC and I've waited for almost 3 months for this re-take. I just gotta pass the test as my Final Theory and PDL will be expiring soon. Time is really tight for me during this period, my exam is in May, my driving test is in May, and the Flag Day is in May...OMG! Everything is happening simultaneously, need to squeeze some time for revision!

Brand New Fresh Start!

2006-04-05T21:57:00.000+10:00

Been blogging for some time right now, started with blogger, then live journal and xanga, but did not have the time or made the effort to keep them going. After constant encouragement from the people around me....they kept saying that I've always got such a fun yet weird life worth announcing. That's it, they've pushed the right button this time - my egoistic button...Muuuhahahaha! Thus I decided to start a brand new blog and TADA! Here I am! Basically, this blog will record my happiness, my sorrows, my goofiness, to put it simply, bits and pieces of my hilarious life. Looking back, life has been easy for me during my school days and exams were always a breeze except for anything to do with numbers and figures. My mathematics sucks big time and thankfully in real life, I don’t have to deal with numbers. Have to admit that I'm a little neurotic at times as I see myself as a perfectionist, But As a Gemini, I'm always fun to be with and everybody just loves me! However, I’m not keen to start a relationship soon and I’m still trying to figure out something now….will announce it when the time is right. But like what I've always been telling others with a laugh, "Happiness has long deserted me, but I'm trying to get it back". A little note, whatever that I'll be posting are just personal views, so dun sue, I'm broke!